Questioning

This write-up dates back to March. Left it unfinished then but one simple question let me dig out the similar expressions once again.

It’s not the explanation of now or the version of then but the story of every now & then, every such time when one find himself getting entwined into the jumble of so many questions within oneself, am sure even over the limit that one’s mind can sometimes handle and it gets even viciously infecting while questioning the eternity too much.

Should we do questioning at all in the first place?

What nonsense! Questioning has always been an answer to explore all the uncultivated zones.

If so, is there any limit to questioning? If it is there, then how much? But does limitation to questioning makes at all sense? If it should then for whom? But why it should only for few? Why not for many others as well?

Hmmm! So many questions over & over again!

Few days, its getting just again, mind cluttered, heart mute that it immediately leaves me sinking, thinking how integrated actually Questioning is to the human mind! And all I could infer with whatever has been apparent to me is that it should be associated with mind since the time a single mind got into the state of pure consciousness.

While I was just trying to think it over, in the middle, a random question again disturbed the course asking me, why do sometimes some people think too much? Am saying so coz I’ve been hearing such recurring comments from friends, family or near & dear ones for that matter for me also, I sub-consciously seems to have now developed a feeling that I also think beyond a limit at times. Am sure when it goes to thinking, positive & negative thoughts, both find the equal place within. Even though I try not to think this much, certainly am a failure yet again. I also believe that too much of thinking takes the innocence away. But don’t know what to actually do? So Mr. me is quite helpless!

In fact every thing that doesn’t go the way I want makes this thought process even worse. Inability to make things work as the way I want, creates desperation, and this desperation leads to restlessness, which ultimately leads to the creation of negative thoughts, in such a state of mind, one tends to release a lot of energy which usually comes out through some destructive manner, may be that’s the only way to release a chunk at one stretch.

It was very recently, I also realized that the absence of certain types of amusements in life actually leads to destructive thinking. Most of the time they can’t even be traced out unless one follows through true introspection techniques, which I also do not know, what are they! But I believe there should surely be some structured way existent to introspect oneself, May be a Psychiatrist can help on this!

While dealing with these vibrations, few more which have persistently getting into the gloves are:

Why are we, as we are? Why do we have so many urges? Why are we not as balanced as the nature is? Why do we have an urge to be something? Why can't we expect ourselves as being nothing? Why actually do we have to be anything? Do we really feel that someone else can answer to this?

May be Yes or May be No.

Am sure such questions prompt everyone to think more, the best and the biggest one can.

But may be it doesn't matter. Its because we already know, we know the answers ourselves in the things we say or in the things we feel or in the things we don't say or may be in the things we do not feel. May be because we do not care to know what we say, what we feel or what we don't say or what we do not feel.

What have we been talking about? What have we been complaining about? Look around yourself and the fact you encounter is that we are unhappy. About the self and nothing else!

Don't you see how selfish have we been?

We choose a career, not for good we could accomplish but for the personal happiness we expected to find out of it. Then we argue, that "I really wanted to do that" and that is where questioning stops. May be because we thought we’d be good and virtuous doing it.

Sometime hence that “really wanted” thing becomes “quite really not wanted”. Questioning thus becomes apparent, same desperation, restlessness pops up again and this is a never ending process.

It was while walking to the office one fine morning; I stopped up to read “Thought of the day” on the notice board which went like:

“I’ve given up my life to become what I am today, is it worth it?”

I couldn’t answer. Honestly!

And a pool of questions sorrounds me once again.