Shedding tears embarrasses me so much that when I was a child, I tried very hard not to cry, not to cry for any reason, under any circumstance, especially after it is done, everyone seem to look at you so differently, gosh! Eventually try as I might, the tears refused to come on. Never been sure as to how important it was to shed few of them, of course in the first place we are never taught by anyone to do so at all.
Despite the occasional aberration, my life never gave me much reasons for bringing out these water droplets so easily coz I knew I had the tenderness, capacity and enough will power. Now the question actually comes to mind is, why the hell actually have I chosen a subject like this?
If am actually happy and have no reason to drop even a lone drop of it, why suddenly in between of these technical and general happiness possessions, am I talking about these so sophisticated tiny droplets called tears?
Hmmm. One reason I find is that this way I make this blog more and more unpredictable, which creates a decent curiosity in heart to come back again to this place, another one is not any reason though but a thought that I entered into this territory just to nurture my habits of writing and am trying to make decent efforts to be more regular than as ever.
Still to this subject of tears I would say that it was actually very recently, I realized that it actually doesn't take much to bring them on. Am sure if am saying, I must have had some reason & instance in the same sense.
Sometimes, there actually is no real problem but a blunt moment is enough to press that panic button and it is like that the floodgates gets open such that they can't be shut again. I count it also a kind of weakness in itself, which makes myself feel ashamed of, irked by my inability to control those tears. It seems that true empowerment and emancipation would come only when one could not only stop them but also control them in any undesirable situations as well and indeed I crave for this to happen & have made sure now not to make it happen. Lets see!
I also believe that there is only a finite pool of tears that everyone has. Am sure that every moment & every different feeling in this so called existence of life is strong enough to bring this pool out of oneself, if hurt badly. As there's a limit to everything in this universe, there's a limit to tears as well. The panic button which loosens the control sometimes does the opposite as well. And when it happens, every pore of me aches to sob the pain away but I just cannot do it anymore.
Heart's once deepest desire comes to hold true. It is one of those ill conceived desires which once fulfilled cannot be undone.
Despite the occasional aberration, my life never gave me much reasons for bringing out these water droplets so easily coz I knew I had the tenderness, capacity and enough will power. Now the question actually comes to mind is, why the hell actually have I chosen a subject like this?
If am actually happy and have no reason to drop even a lone drop of it, why suddenly in between of these technical and general happiness possessions, am I talking about these so sophisticated tiny droplets called tears?
Hmmm. One reason I find is that this way I make this blog more and more unpredictable, which creates a decent curiosity in heart to come back again to this place, another one is not any reason though but a thought that I entered into this territory just to nurture my habits of writing and am trying to make decent efforts to be more regular than as ever.
Still to this subject of tears I would say that it was actually very recently, I realized that it actually doesn't take much to bring them on. Am sure if am saying, I must have had some reason & instance in the same sense.
Sometimes, there actually is no real problem but a blunt moment is enough to press that panic button and it is like that the floodgates gets open such that they can't be shut again. I count it also a kind of weakness in itself, which makes myself feel ashamed of, irked by my inability to control those tears. It seems that true empowerment and emancipation would come only when one could not only stop them but also control them in any undesirable situations as well and indeed I crave for this to happen & have made sure now not to make it happen. Lets see!
I also believe that there is only a finite pool of tears that everyone has. Am sure that every moment & every different feeling in this so called existence of life is strong enough to bring this pool out of oneself, if hurt badly. As there's a limit to everything in this universe, there's a limit to tears as well. The panic button which loosens the control sometimes does the opposite as well. And when it happens, every pore of me aches to sob the pain away but I just cannot do it anymore.
Heart's once deepest desire comes to hold true. It is one of those ill conceived desires which once fulfilled cannot be undone.
.
