an evening walk ... (2)

contd. an evening walk ...(1)

Engulfed in his own thoughts, he is exploring the place looking here and there. It is while observing these big trees, standing naked all alone makes him feel welcoming to this place and in their world of silence and loneliness. Suddenly his emotions are spurting up to embrace these trees and he feels like spending some time talking to them, asking them how do they preserve themselves so silently?

I know him, this loneliness caused to him is not coz of the absence of other human bodies around but the loneliness of being a lost single note in the intense noise everywhere around. Sometimes he is not been able to identify as to why has he been granted this big human life? Has there been some special reasons that God created him for? If it is then why doesn’t he let us know clearly?

Wake up everyday with a fresh neutral mind to face these worldly infinite diverse possibilities that the end of the day is still the same, ‘you do not know what best thing & which is the best way to go for?’

“But I remember discussing with him once about the house, when I read RichDadPoorDad to which he responded as a place for emotional needs, quite away from any materialistic requirement! Yet he is leaving this home! Wouldn’t it pain him at all? When I can sense the pain without having at all a share there, how could he pass a thought of selling it away completely, having spent several years there, having seen complete construction in front of the eyes? May be money, may be opportunities, may be prejudicial thoughts about the new place, may be …”

He is now lost among several may be(s) and is still not getting ready to believe that he wouldn’t find that place again where he landed up the first in this Bangalore city, he wouldn’t be able to see the faces he is now obsessed with and takes for granted, he won’t have any reason to come to the area where he drove the most in this city or would he be able to drive back again in those areas at all? How would it feel visiting the vicinity of that place and finding that No, there’s nobody here now, there's no home, there's no kid you can play around with, there's nobody to recognize you, you have to return back to your rented room! Despite several attempts to fathom the depth of this hollowness which is getting deeper and deeper, he is just as good as the ant who is trying to escape out of the dish which has boiling water inside and kept on the stove which is red hot outside. There's no escape out!

“How everything around you sometimes steals your mood to give you exactly the view you want to see.” Looking at the deserted road in front, the road looks so silent that he finds easy to map approximately every thought in his mind with an object he could visualize with the eyes.

“I think this is why they say that college or school days are the best bet in life, quite true, you know you have crowd around but you can visualize it, you still can manage to make a way out for you but how about the crowd you just can’t imagine?” Ummm even am little confused as to what is he trying to relate with what now but it seems that his thoughts are jumping in several directions together at a time.

“Durdamya Jijivisha – Yes, this was what written in that chapter in Alok Bharti, however hard it is but human still desires to live in every damn possible situation. See the people here, they too survive in extreme climates of several degrees below zero and similarly above. How does that matter if the standards of living are high, Isn’t it also an example of durdamya jijivisha?”

Probably an extremely aged lady struggling with heavy woolens on her with the chilly wind blowing provoked this thought in him. But to see her wish to live despite any situation, inspires him for something, something unknown!

“Where will I go on Diwali this year? How about Jua? What about Rasika & Sneha? They too must be feeling little bad about this. In fact none of us will be able to get together the way we did! There won’t be any comments on each other, no lunches, no dinners, no tea at Infinitea, no shopping together, no reasons to go to Corner house, no reason to go to Nagarjuna or probably no exploration of new places around & what about Arushi? Probably it won't matter much for her, she is too young to realize all this.” It is something which can't be defined, No I do not have anything absolute to comment on his feelings. I'm surprised how has he been able to bring such feelings out of himself for the first time. May be he's trying to change himself a bit.

To break his line of thoughts he stood up and is now forwarding back to his house again, he has just taken the rest but somehow the far placed bench on roadside again is trying to prompt him to sit for a while, telling him to take some deep breathes & rest. This isn’t the way you should be thinking! How can you be so rudimentary? How do these thoughts make it any better? And why do you forget that everything is the part of life?

This has been happening since … you know it better than anyone. Is it a bigger blow than you have had in the past? You became normal then and you again will! Its not you, it applies to every normal human. I understand that it pains to see everybody you find attached to leaving you every time again. But probably harder the lessons, better is the knowledge gained. Keep your patience up! There’s always a brighter side to everything.

He just reached the bench to sit for a while that he notices the sign board besides.

“God what a nice bus stand it is! How neat and pleasing”

He couldn’t contain himself with a sudden excitement of seeing such a peaceful bus stand. All it takes a bench and a board, isn’t it like something back in India? All you need just a few people to stand, thats it :).

“Icepeak guy must be waiting for the reply, I have to respond him back with some answer soon. Sweden eh!”

Its been very dark, he too is feeling little exhausted not physically but emotionally. It was a long walk covering approx. whole of the city yet its only the thoughts that made him feel tired. True. There's nothing beyond this mind. Control this one thing, probably that will solve almost every problem like situation.

an evening walk ... (1)

... and he looked up again at the wall, its 7:30 pm but he still can notice the reflection of sunlight beneath this clock. This is what he's been doing for last one hour, making himself little restless. Look at the clock then look outside and then look back again at his laptop screen and observe the changes happening in life.

He then realizes that there's actually nothing that he can do about it, so why bother much like everyday? Why not enjoy this long evening with a walk?

"Oh yes! That’s probably a good idea. Let me go for a walk, it will be a good break from this chair & laptop screen as well.” he said to himself.

He can't say this to anyone else because at this time he din't feel like bothering the air & furniture around yet again with this gesture, who have been fairly patient enough to treat him the way he has ever wanted them to.

Alright lets' accompany him for an evening walk and find out what has he been running through in his mind, how does his thinking progresses further & what all does he talk to himself all the way this evening.

"God It’s so damn cold. Din't realize in these last three days at all that it can be still this cold outside despite the fact that people now only talk about the spring which seems to have arrived." he said to himself as he walks on the road outside his wooden air-conditioned house after three days of prison inside.

After seeing the three possible ways to go around, he chooses to move towards more of a residential area. Somehow the wooden houses have caught his attention the most in lilehammer (seems he's gonna talk only about these houses after going back home!).

He keeps forwarding himself with a mild pace looking at the serene landscape and enjoying the spectacular sight of these multi-design, multi colored, small yet elegant houses. Its not just one but several of them, diverse in color in a row makes the sight let his jaws dropped.

"Hmmm so bhaisaab also leaving Bangalore, finally he did what he was thinking for long. This is so true that the deeply buried thoughts somehow find their ways some or the other day. But couldn't he inform a little better way? Teri bike ka kya karna hai!" he said to himself, gives then a wicked smile, eyes blinks for several moments together at a stretch, lips finding to press each other, then lower one meets a teethe, cheeks getting chubbier and he is mute for several moments.

Still staring at one house which he found glued to and a sudden noise knocks his trans-state to bring him back to consciousness again. Besides these wooden houses, even the cars have caught up his attention many a times.

"Hmmm ... it’s so common to see the Mercedez & BMWs here. On one hand Norwegians say that they pay almost 150% of the actual price more for any car due to heavy taxes that they are obliged with, yet there's no compromise on the cars, there's still nothing like Maruti 800 or zen or santro as we have back in India".

"Wow! What a house!" He just admired a house which is no greatly build but for the reason that it had lots of space outside around & it looked so traditional. He's looking down at all the houses, enjoying all the minute details and forwarding to somewhere he doesn't have any vague (st) clue about.

But lilehammer is not that a big place that he'll get lost, by now he knows some or the other road will lead him back to home.

"Somehow this place looks to be so familiar, this i think is 'Storgata'. Oh yes! I saw this shop the other day as well when I came with Bent to buy dinner for him. Yes I'm correct, I remember it was here, people were sitting on the road and enjoying the sun." He has now identified the place; this is the shopping area in lilehammer. What amuses him so much about this place is that it doesn't look like a market at all; it still looks like another residential place.

"Papa was so happy to get the registration done for the house finally but now he's hurrying it too much to get the construction done even though I've told him to undertake any monetary responsibility only after two months. But may be it’s his excitement of achieving something after so long, that too at this age." Seems he is happy to feel the satisfaction in the voice of his father.

"God I think I have walked for about 3 kms now. Oh lets sit down for a while somewhere."

Its not that he's tired of walking or something but that he just wants to feel these moments with a little more ease.

Sitting, breathing heavily, looking at his foot, adjusting his camera, looking back at the roads, the houses, the burning candle at the front restaurant, two girls walking on the side, an aged person riding a bicycle. All of this was giving him a sense of glee, enjoyment or better to say the realization of nature's silent happiness spread around in diverse forms.

"These people are simply great! The way they have maintained the city and their living standards, deserves them a serious respect. But may be not only the people alone, govt. in the first place plays the biggest role. May be not, its probably a combined effort. But had they not been having the oil reserves up north, i think they too must have been struggling like India." Seems he is now crawling between his web of thoughts, trying to unearth several Whys & hows।

to be continued ...