An interesting journey with burnout

It should be apparent by now that 'burnout' is something that I've related quite closely to and many others like me must be embracing this ecstatic feeling every now and then.

Up until my first realization I had only heard/ read about it but found myself immune enough to shrug the thought away as a superstition or something.

But the day it's waves hit the shores, world turns completely Grey, what was once interesting and fun feel annoying and meaningless. Hollowness comes to surround you or perhaps no sound, no matter resonate back at all, things that used to motivate, you feel nothing for them. Everything around is so mute to deal with. Even if you drive on road, you drive it only sub consciously without realizing the traffic around you. If this sounds familiar or if this is something which you can currently relate to or fear to relate with it in near future, it makes sense for you to follow further.

Understanding burnout
I relate to burnout as a state which comes to people involved in creating things. The longer you work for creating things (paintings, music, softwares, websites or animations), greater are the odds that you'll hit a day where you don't feel like doing it anymore.

Creativity, no matter how its defined is a relative term, a painting may look creative to you but not to your friend. The art of understanding creativity comes from your own combination of qualities and feelings that makes you, you.

Burnout means you have pushed your creative energy beyond the point of recovery. Like a burnt skin, it replenishes itself slowly with time. A person who has pushed their creative stores too hard for too long, one day find it empty. Usually, by the time you realize something is seriously wrong, there's very little left to patch it up.

Unless learnt the skills to avoid and manage burnout, it can make life either bitter or better with high odds in favor for the former.

Identifying burnout
Just because you are not running around to fire the crackers, while others are screaming about how interesting it is for them, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You're you: they're not. You should not want to be them and why should they want to be you?

To be yourself you have to sometimes deal with feelings that only you are feeling. Lets figure out some common signs that sometimes make you feel you are on sale:

• You don't care anymore about something that you were passionate for.

• You saw the title of this blog and felt a ray of hope.

• You feel you are little heavier than other days.

• Everything look so dull & dead that all the colors look like grey.

• You're either drinking more, eating more or doing something in excess which you do not do otherwise.

• Though your shoulder is paining but you find it hard to relax.

• The basic work which you are capable of, looks like impossible to be done today.

Beware: I've essentially related to any such feeling as a burnout, only when it is completely under an eternal influence not by any external factor. Usually burnout is aggravated by loneliness, in spite of the fact that you meet hundreds of people every day but lack an emotional connection.

Surviving Burnout
One thing to learn and believe is that 'Burnout is entirely survivable'.

Creative people get burnt all the time to varying degrees, its only wise who learn to avoid and manage it and develop the habits that allow them to come back even stronger/ motivated than they were before.

The best way to start with survival tactics is by meeting someone and indulging yourself in emotional talks, this helps you release yourself. Find one person, you can relate best to and reveal them how you feel, be assured to find best of the support from them even beyond your expectations.

Practically even talking to other people won't dramatically change the way you feel. Its important to talk and express things, since expressing the feelings is the only way through them, but in the end, the change only comes from within.

Since everyone is so different, the approaches for how to work through it often have to be discovered by you. Taking an escape from monotonous schedule, doing exercise, sleeping, driving, traveling and meeting with emotionally closed people may do some good to you.

However you choose to deal with your situation, pay attention to yourself. What works and doesn't work for you? When did you feel most inspired in your life? Least? What motivates you the most? No one can answer these questions but you. The sooner you sit down and allow your own truth to come out, the better off you'll be.

At the end, life is as much about unlearning things as is about learning.

To say it or not to?

It is such a common phenomena today that we find ourselves supplemented with someone or the other in our vicinity. This someone you meet could be the one you meet over the pool table regularly after your lunch, someone close to your desk inside the office, someone you meet over a monthly meeting in your city, someone who tracks your blog or whose blog you track quite regularly or someone you simply meet over the weekend regularly; be it just your friend.

The common factor here is the ‘regularity’. This regularity is something which is responsible for most of our habits and expertise.

Start reading a particular newspaper regularly; it makes your routine. Start writing regularly, a day without it will feel you incomplete, you start programming regularly there’s nobody that can stop you from developing good software soon or you start missing that bus regularly, there will hardly be any day that you would catch it on time.

And when we start meeting someone regularly, it is this regularity that brings in the sensation of emotions & feelings. And when this sensation becomes little bewildering, it is this regularity that dupes your consciousness now, you therefore, very much unknowingly end up sharing all sorts of big or small, routine or occasional, good or bad, logical or illogical, emotional or sensible experiences with that person (referred as supplement above).

Now of course over a period of time this would surely mean something, may be this would mean that emotionally you both will be getting closer, this would also mean that from now onwards whenever you come across any experience (similar to the ones that you have already shared with that person), you would crave for the same person to accompany you just as the way it did always.

And actually it is this regularity which heads us towards a possibility that makes this supplement so close that it can actually make it impossible to accept any distance between both of you. But there’s nobody who understands you and that’s by the law of nature. You come alone, you go alone and that too happens regularly. Look at it from the eyes of the God. Births and deaths are regular phenomenaJ.

This means that you get to learn enormously in your life with just the repetition of things that happen regularly. A person responsible for handling dead bodies at cemetery would hardly be scared midnights whereas a normal person would faint away with just the thought of passing that place in the night. It’s just the regular practice one is accustomed to.

But still there are things that don’t make any difference even if they happen regularly. Yes there are things like that. However many times you cut your finger, that particular knife will always do some mischief had it found a possibility of being used by you.

I’ve been definitely seeking some solution to a situation which I’ve now encountered several many times but every such time I’ve just been left intrigued to my deepest senses with no answer at all.

One such occasion this happens is when you find yourself getting into silly misunderstanding with somebody close to you, be he your husband, be she your daughter, be she your beloved, be he your very very close roommate for several years. And all this is the result of closeness, when we are close to someone, there are expectations (& don’t fool yourself around saying that you shouldn’t have them ideally coz they are natural). These expectations are very much natural unless you are a perfectionist!

So basically, all the non-perfectionist(s) have to face such occasions in their very much a regular life and its very normal, usual and okay to have.

Lets’ say you sense that an alliance (personal or professional) is not going to work out for long but you do not either want it to end (thinking of ending it in an indecent manner is certainly a distant thought) or to carry it forward. You also understand that it is nothing but some sort of misunderstanding yet the situation is out of your control. On the other hand you have several things in your mind which needs to be expressed, it may axe the relationship, or it may not. But how do you find what is the best way to go about?

So the biggest confusion almost every time is to decide whether ‘to say or not to?’ or ‘to confess or not to?’ in every uncontrolled situation.

To say whatever is in your mind or just to keep everything within you thinking had there been a possibility of understanding you wouldn’t have come to this stage.

There are times, when both the silent kid & not-so-silent (one who seeks serious attention) kid within yourself start questioning for the priority within you. And when we try judging them the both, both of them look semi-perfect. It then becomes even more difficult for just one you to come forward and take a decision.

I understand there might not be a standard solution but then there should be something that should ease out the way. I thought it should be silence but that too carries opposite meanings sometimes, God only knows!

Diamond, stone and recognition!

... an exercising thought

The other day I got to read a saying on scribd & couldn't restrain myself with a thought:

"A diamond with a flaw is better than a common stone that is perfect".

Cool !!! No doubt sounds pretty interesting to our instincts.

It is so natural for any of us to start seeing ourselves as the diamond or the stone for the simple fact that they look like objects here and as a natural tendency we tend to compare objects in sayings with ourselves as individual or 'people' in general.

However the 'common stone that is perfect' refers to a person who is not recognized for any outstanding or clearly well developed or superior characteristics whereas by going the definition of words in 'Flawed Diamond' it seems to refer to people who are rare (as diamond is rare) with a lower level subject matter expertise (as they are flawed) but since diamond enjoys quite a popularity, these people must be the recipient of extraordinary recognition, unlike common stone (that makes it common).

But isn't it true that everyone of us can only be good at certain few things and not all? As it is, therefore, we all are flawed at certain things and extremely well at certain few. What makes us a diamond or a stone is just the "recognition".

Each person is a potential diamond but only if the observer is looking for diamonds OR common stone if the observer is looking for common stones. Therefore being a Diamond/common stone goes very much in the view of the observer and not the one under observation. Hence it is the observer that is the object in this quote not at all any individual.

A person who is not recognized for his/her good deeds will likely have low-self-esteem. I find it very important for every common stone to realize two simple things:

1. It is the observer who made him a common stone, it doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't diamond.

2. Some skills on other front demand little more attention to bring them some recognition, that may probably make them a 'Kohinoor' as they were already perfect.

All the left game is about recognition!

Strange

a nascent thought

Life is full of several strange circumstances, strange events, strange experiences that it becomes indispensable to learn lessons from every such situation & experience.

These strange experiences are okay if there are no distressing after effects of them but this more often than not don’t happen. Few people are okay with these after effects as they handle them quite elegantly but for some...

I have constantly been intrigued by the situations which compels one to lose those rare people who become an integrated part of your life either when you have a defined relationship with them or with no defined relation but the association with them is so seamless that you don't even realize when did they become your necessity.

Out of the blue for some very small man made circumstances, misunderstandings, misinterpretations or misapprehensions the closeness of this association converts into the greatest distance one had only enjoyed over the celluloid, having to see it happening with self is appalling.

It scares when this happens & keeps happening. You become constrained coz it not only aches but burns you deep. However hard you want to mend the closeness back again, it doesn't matter, things just go out of your hands. Out of your hands even though the stake holders are only two and not many in between. It just doesn't work out, no matter what. It is really strange, very strange!

How can writing help in self healing?

Lately, with an internet connection up in my room, writing is something keeping me busy more than anything else. Keying in infinite combination of words within a couple of hours is a routine activity now but to derive out the satisfaction out of what I write is still a rare phenomenon. A few observations that I made during this process are:

1। Almost every time, composition din't come out the way I wanted it to be.

2. Many times I had a strong urge to write on a defined subject with lots of related threads in mind but soon as I gained the posture, mind just went blank & couldn't find anything structured to be written.

3. Out of whatever I write, its only 10% of all write-ups that I feel okayish about & give me sense of satisfaction.

4. Many times when I failed to articulate a subject appropriately, this definitely created some sort of restlessness and made me feel little aggravated.

Nevertheless, it’s an activity in isolation with nobody to comment/remark upon and there is nobody who is interrupting me as well (given that I write in isolation), then why do these patterns emerge at all? Does leaving someone irritated solely for not been able to write perfectly makes any sense? Neither it’s a competition nor a matter of recognition then where does this irritation finds it room to come in?

This suggests that the presence of irritation surely hints to something, something on a microscopic level. Now what remains unexplored is that something!

First of all not many people come to writing but the ones who do should ask themselves if it is by any chance an emotional outlet for them?

If the writing is meant to release your emotions or better to say to give a direction/channel to the emotions & feelings within your self, then I find convinced that getting irritated is no way unjustified. Playing with your emotions and feelings always directly/indirectly always creates some sort of chaos within the self.

Very simple, consider computer memory, it can be referenced either directly with the help of normal data-type variables or indirectly with the help of pointers (Now everyone knows how complex pointers are!). Similarly your emotions can be referenced indirectly with the help of writing, very much like pointers. You go little careless about them, they ensure to bring worst of the behavior on screen. It’s a kind of miniature simulation of human behavior.

Therefore, writing to express is as important as talking to somebody, listening to someone, visiting a hill station to chill out, hanging around a nearby pub or going out to a concert for a change. Doesn't this hint that writing is actually a means to heal oneself as well?

I believe it does! I also believe introverts cling more towards writing to release their emotions. Since I'm getting more n more comfortable with writing, it also is validating the fact for my own self that I am an introvert too. Cool! How easy it is to identify your own self with the arts of life!

Therefore, it is important to learn to be able to write effectively, compose it elegantly and articulate it appropriately. And whenever you experience that the composition is not coming the way you want, it may mean one of the following:

1.1. There are collisions happening among the thoughts to find preference.

1.2. You are not letting yourself free to write.

It is really important to learn here that grammar & punctuation mistakes shouldn't be looked after with a serious mood. It’s okay even if we have some, until you find it comfortable to read.

1.3. Emotions are still finding difficult to come in print. Let your mind loose & allow heart to take the complete control of the situation. Probably you are targeting a specific audience, forget that for a moment and think about those who would like to see this articulation.

You don't have to be an experienced or eloquent writer to get the self-healing benefits that the writing has to offer. The beauty of writing as a form of self healing is that it leaves no one offended. Self healing stems from honesty and expression of emotions and if you censor yourself while you write, the healing doesn't come out of the process. Style of writing also doesn't matter, it should just be written with single aim in mind - "to express honestly".

But why the strong urge doesn't lead to anything sometimes, certainly confuse me so much still!

To get best out of writing as a healing practice, I follow few of these ways.

1. Read your article continuously after every paragraph been written from top to bottom. Read slowly but loudly in a single go (making sure nobody is around to get disturbed). Don't know what's the science behind it but yes it certainly helps to a great deal.

2. Once the write up is complete as per the intuition, editing at last is certainly a good idea. The amusing aspect here is that the composition usually gets doubled or more than the original size under this process. Be open to add more feelings and jumble up the paragraphs completely up or down.

3. Giving a final reading to the write-up coming after a decent break of hours or a day if possible. Longer the break better it is!

I'm sure writing has the capacity to heal one's mind, heart & soul. I've seen it happening it with me and it’s much better a way than any other. Much better because eventually one has to heal his/her within self & its only through writing you express every tiny emotion and yet remain in the safest hands, that’s yours!

People who do not want to be open to others surely find it a wonderful means. That is only why I said, introverts are better at this than the others.

Disclaimer: I am not a writer by trade and therefore, cannot attest to the facts that I have mentioned above. To get any attestation done, either you need a professional help or at best just follow your intuition. Forgetting anything been mentioned here can also help one in writing to a great deal.