An interesting journey with burnout

It should be apparent by now that 'burnout' is something that I've related quite closely to and many others like me must be embracing this ecstatic feeling every now and then.

Up until my first realization I had only heard/ read about it but found myself immune enough to shrug the thought away as a superstition or something.

But the day it's waves hit the shores, world turns completely Grey, what was once interesting and fun feel annoying and meaningless. Hollowness comes to surround you or perhaps no sound, no matter resonate back at all, things that used to motivate, you feel nothing for them. Everything around is so mute to deal with. Even if you drive on road, you drive it only sub consciously without realizing the traffic around you. If this sounds familiar or if this is something which you can currently relate to or fear to relate with it in near future, it makes sense for you to follow further.

Understanding burnout
I relate to burnout as a state which comes to people involved in creating things. The longer you work for creating things (paintings, music, softwares, websites or animations), greater are the odds that you'll hit a day where you don't feel like doing it anymore.

Creativity, no matter how its defined is a relative term, a painting may look creative to you but not to your friend. The art of understanding creativity comes from your own combination of qualities and feelings that makes you, you.

Burnout means you have pushed your creative energy beyond the point of recovery. Like a burnt skin, it replenishes itself slowly with time. A person who has pushed their creative stores too hard for too long, one day find it empty. Usually, by the time you realize something is seriously wrong, there's very little left to patch it up.

Unless learnt the skills to avoid and manage burnout, it can make life either bitter or better with high odds in favor for the former.

Identifying burnout
Just because you are not running around to fire the crackers, while others are screaming about how interesting it is for them, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You're you: they're not. You should not want to be them and why should they want to be you?

To be yourself you have to sometimes deal with feelings that only you are feeling. Lets figure out some common signs that sometimes make you feel you are on sale:

• You don't care anymore about something that you were passionate for.

• You saw the title of this blog and felt a ray of hope.

• You feel you are little heavier than other days.

• Everything look so dull & dead that all the colors look like grey.

• You're either drinking more, eating more or doing something in excess which you do not do otherwise.

• Though your shoulder is paining but you find it hard to relax.

• The basic work which you are capable of, looks like impossible to be done today.

Beware: I've essentially related to any such feeling as a burnout, only when it is completely under an eternal influence not by any external factor. Usually burnout is aggravated by loneliness, in spite of the fact that you meet hundreds of people every day but lack an emotional connection.

Surviving Burnout
One thing to learn and believe is that 'Burnout is entirely survivable'.

Creative people get burnt all the time to varying degrees, its only wise who learn to avoid and manage it and develop the habits that allow them to come back even stronger/ motivated than they were before.

The best way to start with survival tactics is by meeting someone and indulging yourself in emotional talks, this helps you release yourself. Find one person, you can relate best to and reveal them how you feel, be assured to find best of the support from them even beyond your expectations.

Practically even talking to other people won't dramatically change the way you feel. Its important to talk and express things, since expressing the feelings is the only way through them, but in the end, the change only comes from within.

Since everyone is so different, the approaches for how to work through it often have to be discovered by you. Taking an escape from monotonous schedule, doing exercise, sleeping, driving, traveling and meeting with emotionally closed people may do some good to you.

However you choose to deal with your situation, pay attention to yourself. What works and doesn't work for you? When did you feel most inspired in your life? Least? What motivates you the most? No one can answer these questions but you. The sooner you sit down and allow your own truth to come out, the better off you'll be.

At the end, life is as much about unlearning things as is about learning.

Rasikas' Married

Rasika is finally done with her dreams, something she was always talking about. With it I met a chance to meet a very interesting family, it took no time for them to involve me into their colors. One of the most peaceful marriages of Northern India I'd say.

And an experience below.

Yesterday I encountered a phenomena - Indian marriages in Northern region are none less than it. Having seen a marriage after a long gap of 6 years, it was a very very different experience even though I've been brought up with these traditions so much. Wondering have I changed so much or have I been struggling to strike a balance with the educational logic with the traditional beliefs?

The arrangements for the whole family conundrum in baraat ghar, heavy lightings at the venue, inevitable tussle with the venue in charge (for some or the other thing), explicit words to the hosts for the top-of-the world welcome to Baraatis, kids shouting all around, that delicious food smiling in the dustbin, guests queuing to capture the Kodak moment behind the Gods of the day - The Bride & the Groom - more the captures better you are at status with either side of the family, the concept of DJ, no-sense body shakes, overdoing of the camera shots with the bride, those non-veg jokes at the Phere, people in the blankets around sipping that hot coffee & still struggling for the other one, ambiguous chanting of Mantras by the priest, acceptance of the Vachanas by the Gods of the day again, the spectacular Sindoor ceremony & the 7 rounds around the bon-fire, people throwing the flower petals, Gods enjoying the relief from Mandap & smoke, girl's heart pumps, eyes oozing out with saline droplets & final words to give her the Vida.

Experienced all that yesterday.

Very true & emotional journey through the night. No offense to anyone, everything mentioned here was just a plain observation & i admit of enjoying every bit of it.

Having seen those teenage girls dancing so passionately just for the reason that its their cousin's marriage & enjoying so much left me thinking. Are people in the race to do something out of life missing these small but vital elements of life? I do & I admit coz I felt it last night.

teenage memories ... has she come?

The place to start is ... Meerut city, a small town in India!

Left the house at 7:42 am, only 18 minutes more to reach school, to throw the bag in the class and then to rush to the playground for morning prayers.

"Oh no! There's no time!", now paddling the bicycle triple the speed.

"Shucks! this chain had to get off the hook only now?"

Hurriedly fixed it up and started flying again, Soon crossed that first bridge, the junction of the road where several other cycles join together for the race to school. While still hurrying and struggling with time, these naughty eyes were successful in identifying that group of 3 butterflies cycling in parallel and yes the middle one having that pink bag with a big picture of mickey mouse. Yes she is coming to the school today!

"Damn! Its the jam again."

Usually several kids hit their bicycles at school gate just at 8:00 am (more commonly even late), a Jam is thus quite inevitable. While every guy smashes through the crowd, they still make sure not to dare any girl and will probably let them enter first even though they would have abused the guy behind like hell. Theres always a chance that she would start liking him (and who has ever understood the reasons - Why makes a guy so lovable to a girl?)

The foots are running in the corridor towards the class, that peculiar steep voice always brought extreme joy to this heart and to find several butterflies surrounding the one (with teeth braces), did confirm, yes she has come to the class today again!

Now, a typical morning at school, students wearing white dress on Saturday, girls in skirts, boys wearing pants, all lined up in the ground for the morning prayer. Class 9th Section A girl's row adjacent to class 9th section A-boy's row, headed by their respective class-teachers.

While following the single-head-perfect-line rule (everyone in the line sees only the single head of the person in front of them, line gets automatically straight), these naughty eyes were always in search of that skirt pocket which had that pink key chain dancing around. Yes this also confirmed that she has come to the school today.

She joined the school during hot summers, it was during 9th standard, I could easily recognize her name, we studied together a few years ago in another school. I shifted my school & heard that she shifted the city altogether.

Time passed seasons changed and with it so did all the feelings. We never talked to each other during those 4 years in school, yet those amateurish feelings are enjoyed the most.

She qualified IIT entrance a year after school, I was still struggling. Visited her campus a year later, talked to her (or any girl for that matter) for the first time, thought of which still leaves me smiling. Telephonic communication that started thereafter, somehow started going down and eventually ...

Today we are lost in this world. No idea where is she? No networking site, no technology is of any use. Quite interesting it is to think about it sometimes.

yes it is!

Norway - Some Binding facts

Human development is about people, about expanding their choices to lead lives they value. Fundamental to enlarging human choices is building human capabilities: the range of things people can do or be.

Scandinavian countries usually do not contribute much to the daily news, thus, the level of awareness about these countries goes minimal in the Asian countries like India. It was while reading a report from United Nations Development Program (UNDP), I realized that Norway is actually the country, which enjoys the highest living standards in the world.

This perception many times wrongly goes for the countries like US & UK since the IT Services phenomena has taken place. Surprisingly these countries don't figure out in even top 5 entries but scale quite further down.

The study reveals the ranking based largely on following parameters: 1. Average levels of education 2. Income levels 3. Expected length of lifetime This report measured standards of living in over 177 countries around the world.

One of the surprising findings however is the life expectancy rate in Norway. It goes to 78 years, yes the men and women on an average live 78 damn odd years. This also means that the age of 90 & 100 is also common.

Norwegians themselves point very high to their country for the scenic beauty, recreational opportunities, clean water & fresh air. Besides I found out quite a blossoming cultural diversity, the public policies are aimed at integrating various ethnic groups, accepting different communities and promoting tolerance.

People might debate these sayings in particular cases though, however, overall this country scores much high on several parameters around the world. Only exception is the costliness of the country, compared to Asian countries, this makes anyone go crazy.

Here is a snapshot of the rankings from UNDP.

Bish & John - World around in 2k dollars

Last weekend I hosted two crazy cycle paddlers on a mission of world tour from England; Bish & John at my small flat in Lillehammer.

They will be cycling from Newcastle to Norway, across Scandinavia to Russia, china, cross Pacific to Alaska, to Coasts of America to Venezuela and then back home.

Wow! It was quite a nice time talking to both of them about array of things compressed in that small evening we spent together. Innocent, simple and very interesting guys who allowed me to spend one of the finest evenings here in Lillehammer.

All that bridged us together is this project called couchfurfing & their live blog. It made sense to me to host these guys, however, I did not reason out much and was still apprehensive, owing to the fact that it was my first such hosting experience that too on a foreign land.

It was just saturday they contacted me and Sunday I was on streets to pick them up to my place & started to know each other better with the talks.

After quite a lot of talks, we jumped onto cooking, they cooked Pasta for themselves quite fast enough, which we all enjoyed together. It was a interesting to see the collection of their cutleries they carried along with them like Japanese folding plates, small forks and a box containing special accessories.

I remember the number of times they uttered 'Thank you so much' which actually started making me feel embarrassed eventually. But then later I realized how much does it matter to find a sleep on bed inside home for someone on tour for 18 months out of home and just roaming around, fiddling with the zig-zag lines on the atlas, requesting everywhere around to find even the smallest of the information.

While reading their latest entry Petrol Couches & Hills, I found out that they too experienced hosting to be good as well. As they mention something about it at the end of the blog, I take this as a testimonial for finding such experiences further.

If the world is flat, are we more than a dot on this landscape?

However, there are many projects today who aim to connect these dots but personally the one that caught up my attention is couchsurfing.com. Couchsurfing, seems to be one of the 'great' projects to make the world a smaller place in reality. It is yet again a social networking concept but with a great difference than a smaller.

This coming weekend I shall be hosting a group of two ladies hitchhiking from Stokholm to Oslo. I'm actually quite game about it. How simpler it seems to meet like minds now!

Does opinion based blogging make good sense at all?

In the popular side of blogosphere today, it seems everyone is giving out an opinion about something or the other (including me of course). Be it daily news analysis, new ventures, new applications, trends being followed or even Microsoft sheathing through to Y!.

Definitely there is nothing wrong in it, nothing to be criticized also. But at the end of the day most of the blogs are just the time pass. Thing to notice is that globally the most admired blogs are the ones which keep personal opinions away & have been instrumental in providing some valuable information to the reader not easily possible otherwise e.g. Guy Kawasaki, Amit Agarwal (Digital inspiration fame), Prof Sadagopan (his experience is his wisdom) etc.

Even the Theory of Relativity is out, "An observation (or opinion) is as good about the observer as it is about being observed". Some discussion about this can be followed at my blog and manas da's blog for reference.

If somebody reads my opinion on a subject, the three possible reactions we notice are:
1. Liked, with or without comments
2. Not liked or offended, with or without fiery comments
3. Not understood or Okay. This usually happens when people browse through the blogs rather than reading them.

Let’s take the first possibility, a person liked my opinion. However if you see this liking again is an observation of that person, very much local to his understanding - Oh yes we do have points of intersection in our understanding equations of course - and he will further define this observation in his/ her own vocabulary and own thought mechanism. This new definition of this observation results into another observation, which again will have all the three possibilities mentioned above and it goes on, hence, follows a recursive pattern.

But if the person doesn't reason out my observation and finds it interesting with the reasoning I give, I actually bias this person's thoughts with mine and sort of make it compulsive for him/ her to adhere to the reasoning that is not his but mine. In essence an opinion actually din't bring any potential difference rather than either generating several diverse observations or biasing another person's views with someone else's.

Second possibility of not liking my observation is good enough for the sole reason that in essence it was my personal understanding after all. If the reader feels offended, the likeliness to find a common ground with our discussions goes almost negligible because we have our own understandings at different levels, standing high, ego brings a decent flavor to this discussion further, therefore, the discussion coming out is not of any good use at all again.

Third possibility was anyway neutral it doesn't have even a distant possibility to bring any difference anyway.

Therefore, in terms of trying to bring any difference in the blogosphere with the help of opinion based blogs doesn't seem to make any sense.

However, that’s just another opinion, which may hold good, may not.

'RUSS on loose - Merriest graduates in the world'

* Pronounced as "roose"

Call them RUSS*, Red RUSS, Partying RUSS, Shouting RUSS, crazy RUSS - it all just means the same thing.

Norwegian education System

The Norwegian Education system fundamentally has three levels, 10 years of school, then 3 years of Intermediate High School (termed as college here) and then 3 more years of College (termed as High School here). Generally kids start schooling at the age of 5-6, therefore, Intermediate graduates are of the age around 18-19 years.

Norwegian Intermediate High School Kids have a tradition of incredibly crazy Partying during their final year completion. 30th of April is declared to be the night this tradition starts to last till 17 of May (Also the Norwegian Constitution Day). Read below for the personal experiences.

Observations

Its was Friday evening, me & Pramod started to move to my place, there was something unusual everywhere, most of the youngsters were wearing the similar jumpsuits (almost all red in color with typical drawings made on them), assembled at several spots in the groups. However with questions in mind we boarded the bus but to our surprise even here it was only we both guys, the rest whole bus was crowded with crazy naughty girls, shouting, laughing, dancing, many half naked with several such activities. I was even kind of little scared inside. We weren't able to unearth the mystery behind such a happening around. Encountered few places where such youngsters in the group of 100s with loud music, dirty dancing, drinking and of course all sorts of nasty enjoyment activities. Wow! but we had no clue what's happening in the city.

That night the open Bar down the Pramod's apartment, again enjoyed several guys and girls, drinking hard, for the enjoyment. We were like mesmerized with the kind of party we had seen. It was not something usual that you encounter on several occasions, it was definitely for something unusual, the unusual way. These people enjoyed till late night, at about 3 a.m. they all started to leave for their places, all over drunk, hardly any one in their control, falling down here and there, yet shouting. It was difficult to make out if the girls were being enjoyed by the guys or the guys being enjoyed by girls around, If I say honestly, yes there was a bit obscenity in the air. But then little did we know, its just the culture here, thus, its perfectly fine.

Carried forward these talks to the park we went to spend the next day in a hope to see the labour's day parade. Again these youngsters dominated the crowd but an interesting observation was that several small small kids were coming to them asking for something, these graduates took something like a card out of their pockets and handed to every kid who asked for it. Another mystery was building up for us again.

Further carried these talks to the office on Monday, when we found the stunning culture followed by these Intermediate School graduates in Norway. I never heard of any party for any damn reason which would last for 17 odd days & 17 nights continuously to celebrate the completion of their school education, and what makes this even interesting should follow below in this blog.

Who RUSS???

Graduating students in Norway, clad in red or blue overalls depending on their line of study, tend to spend this time in a non-stop debauch that sparks debate virtually every year. It is so crazy that whole nation is engulfed with their colors, shouting, activities all around, newspapers have them on front covers, roads & buses are almost hijacked by them.

These students declare themselves as ‘RUSS’. Typically they dress themselves in white T-shirts & red jumpsuits. Jumpsuit's color varies from red, green, blue to black depending on their subject of study.

These jumpsuits have their names written on them with lots of drawing done, they wear caps and a token (like a feather in the cap) is added to their cap for every daring activity they perform. These daring activities will almost embarrass anyone except RUSS, which may include running naked across a bridge during chilly evenings, excessive drinking, stripping and dancing around etc. Typically a cork is added to the cap if they finish a full bottle of strong alcohol within 8 hours.

Students buy old buses, color them, customize them to bring people aware that now the high school Kids are on Loose!. And this bus is driven all around the city and even around the country till 17th of May.

They are the masters during their graduation year, its just upto them as to how to decide how do they want to shout. Everything about them here is so fascinating that it was hard to stop discussions for about several days in the office canteen, while every one will find some pride in explaining about how did they enjoy when they were a RUSS. And yes everyone tries to be as modest as possible until you drill down deeper and deeper to find out the nasty person hidden behind in them.

They also have a culture of distributing the RUSS Card, very much like a business card, where in they distribute out of pride for nearing to complete their school education.

But today RUSS tradition has become really out of control, which reminds me of the Ragging scene in India. There are several concerns for not only for the law and order in the country but also for the students becoming RUSS as well.

What RUSS!!!

Injuries, drugs, drinking, deaths & dangerously daring activities are now an integrated part of RUSS today. Education authorities at schools are trying all their stints to bring these kids in control but all in vain. The local RUSS are now considered a security risk, and not just for the royals.

"The RUSS behavior was so bad last year that it is indefensible to let them take part in the children's parade. Drunkenness, litter and generally bad behavior was the reason for the decision," said Asker and Baerum district police captain Kjell Nesheim.

Oh RUSS...

It's always been somewhat costly be be a "RUSS". Students feel compelled to buy red or blue overalls, caps and other paraphernalia, there are lots of entry fees to various parties, and then there's all the beer and other intoxicants that need to be purchased for weeks of heavy partying.

Nothing costs as much as the bus or other vehicle that some students insist on having. It's largely a phenomenon confined to southeastern Norway, particularly the Oslo area, but spending on a traditional "RUSS bus" seems to be breaking all records this year.

One group of graduating students from Eikeli admitted they'd invested NOK 1.6 million in their "RUSS bus." That covered the bus itself, an "awesome" sound system and interior embellishments aimed at letting the good times roll. The 28 boys behind the bus claim they've worked hard and saved for the past three years to finance their "RUSS" season of partying. Even when the cost is divided by 28, it's a lot of money, at nearly NOK 60,000, or USD 10,000 per person.

The committee overseeing this year's "RUSS" activities estimates there are 115 "RUSS busses" in the Oslo area. That compares to only around 15 in the rest of the country, and an unknown number of smaller vehicles, painted red or blue.

Mie Skard, RUSS president for Oslo and Akershus county, said that girls from seven other buses have reportedly agreed to take part in a porn film in order to help pay for their mobile party bus. The 26 girls from two Oslo schools had agreed to be extras in a porn film that would feature scenes shot in their bus, and would also talk on screen about their sex habits and fantasies.

Hehe RUSS (ing)

These guy still have not completed their education, their final year examinations are yet to be conducted around end of May. I seriously doubt if with this kina party, many of the RUSS are able to find a place in the passing list of the exam. But then it really doesn't bother them, it has not bothered them for last several decades, hence it definitely makes it a unique culture in Norway.

Very much like ragging in India, it’s just not possible to tame some student traditions at all.

According to UN survey, Norway is the best country to live in the world, the RUSS culture survey makes them the merriest high school students in the world. The tradition has so much influenced the other world countries that a Hollywood director is all set to make a movie on RUSS culture now. No doubt this culture has its own taste, I find lucky enough to encounter such a phenomena so closely.

Labour day in Lillehammer

1st May - Labour day

Indeed yet another holiday for many of us. But in Lillehammer it was a little different story. People heartily remembered the labor unions, who fought for the rights of labors with the Judiciary for a long time, eventually got almost an equal status across all kinds of work and bringing salaries more or less on to the same platform.

Monday I decided not to go home instead stayed at Pramod's Apartment that night. He had witnessed some practices happening near the citi-center two days ago. So we were expecting some thing to happen on the streets on Tuesday (1st of May).

On inquiring we got to know that processions will be held at around 1.00 p.m. After about a wait for 2 hours at Lillehammer Kommune (Lillehammer Municipality) open ground, there came these little girls dressed up in white skirts marching elegantly on Størgata streets.

The lead or the anchor showed fantastic skills in whirling the flag around in all the directions he held. I tried capturing a front close view but with the crowd around it seemed not easy but difficult.

This group marched through complete city, we even tried following for quite a distance to get a better glimpse of the lead girl as she portrayed skillful hand at sophisticated sword exercises.

The next procession held at around 4.00 pm where several people held banners & posters written 'Boikott Israel' (Boycott Israel) and several such slogans which were out of our understanding range. Ladies prominently took part in the procession, it was no less than mesmerizing to see so many aged people taking this active part in a social event.

This group was led by a music band, dressed up in Black. All of them finally settled down at the Citi-Center, followed by two speeches for about 15 minutes (again out of our understanding range) but we enjoyed the ambiance and the thrill of so many people around for the first time in this city.

It looked so energizing to see young guys & girls hugging each other after the speech & Band music was over. It felt as if something has been achieved by them today, their active participation in such a social activity was indeed heart warming. Why these guys & girls were happy? Yes there's a reason behind that as well, which I shall cover in the next post.

I want my kid to do this.

Whatever I’m writing here is just an observation. I do not have any personal experience; therefore, I’ve strong reasons to evaluate the situation wrongly.

It was a short time back I observed a person or should I say a contemporary father getting annoyed over the misdeeds of an under 3 daughter. A father who says & believes in giving space to each other suddenly reached his peak of temper & seemed to lose control; result is that the daughter, who doesn’t understand so many gestures today got confronted to something our generation has grown up with - a ‘slap’.

This indeed isn’t something that God designed us to feel good about, so I infer that she too did not feel at all good about it. Tears in her eyes & the loud cry were actually enough to justify that. Father has good amount of reasoning to which I agree too. The daughter was becoming mischievous, drifting towards a state where kids start to understand that it is okay even if they do not follow what has been directed to them. And she actually started to become notorious. Inspite of good amount of peaceful efforts she started not to follow what is expected from her. She wanted to do what she liked and all these likes were just momentary, she doesn’t understand but there is nothing to make her realize this as well.

But the father many times expects something else from her. He wants her to follow him because he knows what is actually good & correct. But the problem here is that she doesn’t understand this, even a slap wouldn’t have been enough to make her realize this. Probably she wouldn’t understand even with couple of more such slaps. So, the father actually has an option to slap a couple of times more to feed her with a fear factor, then there is a possibility that she would start following what her father or may be father-mother collectively wants from her; not always but at times of course.

If I take all the complexities away, I see here two humans as a part of some communication, a kid & a man. This kid wants to actually do something that she feels momentarily good about. Man too wants to get something done what he feels good about at this moment. There is no similarity in the wants of these people rather they are contradictory enough. There is a clash in the want factor of these two humans now. And yes they have a relation of being a father & a daughter.

This person always has an option to get everything done forcefully, kid doesn’t even know about it. Let’s say kid somehow knew about how to slap, in such a situation the kid also might have slapped this person. But the concern here is that the kid will do so without any sense of judging the good or bad whereas the person does it with all such senses. I sometime feel isn’t it merely a clash over our wants and wherever we feel that we can dominate, do it to get what you want!

Sometimes our inner self gets so willful that we do not realize how & when we become stubborn about small-small things. No matter how thoughtful or intelligence you seem to have acquired all you want is something that you feel obsessed about at this moment.

It definitely needs some more introspection, especially then, when we practice world of things to keep our senses in control. This situation was definitely not a scenario on the roadside about fighting for your own rights, where aggression is inevitable sometimes, dealing with our own kid may be requires lots of study and awareness. Time is changing and so our ways of accepting the values. Values still remain the same but the way is definitely not the same that we followed and we shouldn’t even think about trying to fix an old nail on the modern wall. Today we get interior done which wasn’t a common case in the earlier times.

I am not married; do not therefore have any possibility to judge the way a father could evaluate this. Somehow I myself felt lots of pain that day, help shedding few droplets, I was hurt may be more than this kid did. Din't feel like talking about it to anyone. I know it wasn’t for anything wrong but the pantry of mind hasn’t stopped reasoning since then. It is after observing something similar in the bus yesterday, how she handled her notorious son, all these emotions were elicited again.

Even God can have Bytecode theory!

It was a usual morning prayer; I was chanting the ‘Omkar’ with a good amount of throat open. After completing the prayer, I don’t know why but I was baffled with a random thought, nothing serious but a naughty expression of this perplexed mind.

Till date I was chanting all the prayers from within the Indian boundaries, now suddenly I started doing so from the European country. It doesn’t matter to god, I have a freedom to do so wherever I go with a faith that this voice will reach God anyway, I don’t know if it does reach or not but I do not have any reason to believe it negatively as well, after all its about questioning the system made by the superlative spirit – The God.

Alright this all is okay. Following this, another query that generated is; I’m just one human, with one language I chant the prayer in; but there are countless languages, myriads of religions, array of customs & traditions. How does God compile all these diverse languages, religious activities to understand what is what? Or to realize what is good or bad?

The scenario is something similar to what we have in software industry, a number of programming languages today but no one compiler that can convert every language to an executable binary. Therefore, the baffling thought is; does God have enough good compiler to evaluate this complex data of numerous spoken, non-spoken languages, religious activities, customs, traditions etc?

From a human perspective it definitely isn’t possible to handle all this diversity, after all there are many other things to be done as wellJ. So there is a high probability of the existence of an Intermediate language, a sort of middleware (concept like Bytecode) in between. It gets so simple now; all I chant now gets converted to this Intermediate language, which God can easily evaluate from a single compiler.

I’m sure making a single such compiler would be a kid’s play for the God. May be he could also maintain for all this diversity as well but it is the matter of keeping things simple. No doubt, this set up also requires as many JIT compilers as there are diversities to convert them all to this intermediate language of course.

Only if this silly concept exists!

Geeks Vs Happiness

It is somewhat true that the individuality of a person makes him feel good either when he is recognized for what he does or when he has an undying faith in himself.

What about the people who do not have either?

It is very much a possibility for a person to grow and nurture himself without any recognition in anything that he does or with the unfavorable circumstances to make him feel confident about being himself every now and then.

Developing countries are usually dominated by the lower and middle class families. Lower, lower middle & average middle class kids are often caught up in the illusions like, What am I good for? Can I ever do what I want to? Is there a possibility that can favor me like it did for several others, whom I have heard about? And many questions like that.

Not having seen any role model closely in their life, not having heard of the success stories than some smaller achievements made bigger by the adults around bring their horizon to a level where the kids in developed countries might start to see further.

These stories usually are restricted to the achievements of someone in the family or to some distant relation. How someone boarded the airplane or even went out of country for the first time, how somebody got to manage a job out of the family tradition or how somebody made sacrifice with his life or his career for someone close in an inevitable situation or somebody having struggled throughout his life to make a house for the family. Therefore, making a house in the lifetime, going out of country, finding a highly paid job, struggling to do something out of family tradition is a big achievement for the kids from such communities and this constitutes their happiness.

Such kids tend to associate themselves with the situations which are more about misery. They tend to see more tragedy in the community and the country they live in than the average person who would prefer some comedy or romance through television. For them tragedy is easier to find than compassion, even though compassion likely exists in greater proportions. It is more likely for them to identify the misery even in the comedy or the romance that they see.

According to some study, children develop themselves along four streams, Intellectual, Physical, Emotional (Psychological) & Social.

It’s only the smartest kids who are a part of almost all activities in the classrooms. But there are nerds around, commonly known as "geeks", they are odd or social outsiders. They may develop themselves intellectually or even physically where opportunities exist for more progress but they lack socially in comparison. They might not know how to handle a friend who teases them in front of all the girls/ boys, how to refuse somebody for a favor, how to ask somebody for a help without being overwhelmed, they might not even know how to get engaged to the opposite gender at all.

Their emotional development characterized by their ability to cope up with stressful situations over a long period of time also lags. And then there are adults, so called "Elders". They believe that an intellectually superior kid can deal with most of the situations and do not consider it as important to guide him/ her as they would do for a dumb kid in their view. This inevitably let these intellectual kids go through tough times alone either without or with underdeveloped skills to support themselves.

Adults do not understand easily that they actually need help as these kids do not look to be shaken or affected from their outlook. They may talk even sensible during such situations but it does not necessarily mean that they can handle such situations without an external helping hand.

These kids also have the feeling of getting associated with the social infrastructure but then the social kids term them as 'outsiders' and do not want to associate with them. Eventually we have several many highly intelligent people today but with lesser social quotient. It should come as no surprise to see most of the back bencher(s) from a class manage to do much bigger things with quite an ease being happy, and in fact they tend to be happy most of the times. For them the only important thing in life is to do something that brings them small small happiness whereas the intellectual kid might be seen struggling to carve a niche out for himself.

Developing countries do not provide good incubators for the people who are socially inept and those with emotional coping problems. Therefore, these people will not be the among you should expect to be happy most of the times.

Education system in developing countries primarily favors wealth accumulation as a whole, eventually, encourages the students to take up the fields which either offer quick money at an early stage like engineering ( today it is synonymous to softwares), or wealth bundled with huge recognition like movie heroes or which brings them easy money like Govt. services or sometimes getting into army as well. Medicine is enjoyed for money, respect but for a social service.

For such countries nurturing the intellectual development is more about individual efforts or a task of special communities which are usually distributed and take several distributed efforts to bring about some difference in the society. There is no structured approach towards that. It is even difficult to arrange sufficient infrastructure for the same.

Extraordinary or super intellectuals manage but only few reach the top ladder. Average ones still remain at the ground, thinking, wondering, figuring out all the what(s), why(s) & how(s).

Times are changing though, today geeks gain high recognition as the people with great potential, and they are more socially accepted than in the past but they still rank as social outsiders in most situations, including their skills to be a good mate or parents. Unless they receive more assistance with their social and emotional development, most are destined to be unhappy as they mature in the world of adults.

And if you disagree with any of the explanations above, try scratching any such intellectual person around you, you are more likely to get convinced. How desperate are they to be happy! How badly do they also want to explore the road to happiness! And how fed up are they with any artificial or forceful activity to make them feel good or happy about!

Being happy is a process, a big process.

To say it or not to?

It is such a common phenomena today that we find ourselves supplemented with someone or the other in our vicinity. This someone you meet could be the one you meet over the pool table regularly after your lunch, someone close to your desk inside the office, someone you meet over a monthly meeting in your city, someone who tracks your blog or whose blog you track quite regularly or someone you simply meet over the weekend regularly; be it just your friend.

The common factor here is the ‘regularity’. This regularity is something which is responsible for most of our habits and expertise.

Start reading a particular newspaper regularly; it makes your routine. Start writing regularly, a day without it will feel you incomplete, you start programming regularly there’s nobody that can stop you from developing good software soon or you start missing that bus regularly, there will hardly be any day that you would catch it on time.

And when we start meeting someone regularly, it is this regularity that brings in the sensation of emotions & feelings. And when this sensation becomes little bewildering, it is this regularity that dupes your consciousness now, you therefore, very much unknowingly end up sharing all sorts of big or small, routine or occasional, good or bad, logical or illogical, emotional or sensible experiences with that person (referred as supplement above).

Now of course over a period of time this would surely mean something, may be this would mean that emotionally you both will be getting closer, this would also mean that from now onwards whenever you come across any experience (similar to the ones that you have already shared with that person), you would crave for the same person to accompany you just as the way it did always.

And actually it is this regularity which heads us towards a possibility that makes this supplement so close that it can actually make it impossible to accept any distance between both of you. But there’s nobody who understands you and that’s by the law of nature. You come alone, you go alone and that too happens regularly. Look at it from the eyes of the God. Births and deaths are regular phenomenaJ.

This means that you get to learn enormously in your life with just the repetition of things that happen regularly. A person responsible for handling dead bodies at cemetery would hardly be scared midnights whereas a normal person would faint away with just the thought of passing that place in the night. It’s just the regular practice one is accustomed to.

But still there are things that don’t make any difference even if they happen regularly. Yes there are things like that. However many times you cut your finger, that particular knife will always do some mischief had it found a possibility of being used by you.

I’ve been definitely seeking some solution to a situation which I’ve now encountered several many times but every such time I’ve just been left intrigued to my deepest senses with no answer at all.

One such occasion this happens is when you find yourself getting into silly misunderstanding with somebody close to you, be he your husband, be she your daughter, be she your beloved, be he your very very close roommate for several years. And all this is the result of closeness, when we are close to someone, there are expectations (& don’t fool yourself around saying that you shouldn’t have them ideally coz they are natural). These expectations are very much natural unless you are a perfectionist!

So basically, all the non-perfectionist(s) have to face such occasions in their very much a regular life and its very normal, usual and okay to have.

Lets’ say you sense that an alliance (personal or professional) is not going to work out for long but you do not either want it to end (thinking of ending it in an indecent manner is certainly a distant thought) or to carry it forward. You also understand that it is nothing but some sort of misunderstanding yet the situation is out of your control. On the other hand you have several things in your mind which needs to be expressed, it may axe the relationship, or it may not. But how do you find what is the best way to go about?

So the biggest confusion almost every time is to decide whether ‘to say or not to?’ or ‘to confess or not to?’ in every uncontrolled situation.

To say whatever is in your mind or just to keep everything within you thinking had there been a possibility of understanding you wouldn’t have come to this stage.

There are times, when both the silent kid & not-so-silent (one who seeks serious attention) kid within yourself start questioning for the priority within you. And when we try judging them the both, both of them look semi-perfect. It then becomes even more difficult for just one you to come forward and take a decision.

I understand there might not be a standard solution but then there should be something that should ease out the way. I thought it should be silence but that too carries opposite meanings sometimes, God only knows!

an evening walk ... (2)

contd. an evening walk ...(1)

Engulfed in his own thoughts, he is exploring the place looking here and there. It is while observing these big trees, standing naked all alone makes him feel welcoming to this place and in their world of silence and loneliness. Suddenly his emotions are spurting up to embrace these trees and he feels like spending some time talking to them, asking them how do they preserve themselves so silently?

I know him, this loneliness caused to him is not coz of the absence of other human bodies around but the loneliness of being a lost single note in the intense noise everywhere around. Sometimes he is not been able to identify as to why has he been granted this big human life? Has there been some special reasons that God created him for? If it is then why doesn’t he let us know clearly?

Wake up everyday with a fresh neutral mind to face these worldly infinite diverse possibilities that the end of the day is still the same, ‘you do not know what best thing & which is the best way to go for?’

“But I remember discussing with him once about the house, when I read RichDadPoorDad to which he responded as a place for emotional needs, quite away from any materialistic requirement! Yet he is leaving this home! Wouldn’t it pain him at all? When I can sense the pain without having at all a share there, how could he pass a thought of selling it away completely, having spent several years there, having seen complete construction in front of the eyes? May be money, may be opportunities, may be prejudicial thoughts about the new place, may be …”

He is now lost among several may be(s) and is still not getting ready to believe that he wouldn’t find that place again where he landed up the first in this Bangalore city, he wouldn’t be able to see the faces he is now obsessed with and takes for granted, he won’t have any reason to come to the area where he drove the most in this city or would he be able to drive back again in those areas at all? How would it feel visiting the vicinity of that place and finding that No, there’s nobody here now, there's no home, there's no kid you can play around with, there's nobody to recognize you, you have to return back to your rented room! Despite several attempts to fathom the depth of this hollowness which is getting deeper and deeper, he is just as good as the ant who is trying to escape out of the dish which has boiling water inside and kept on the stove which is red hot outside. There's no escape out!

“How everything around you sometimes steals your mood to give you exactly the view you want to see.” Looking at the deserted road in front, the road looks so silent that he finds easy to map approximately every thought in his mind with an object he could visualize with the eyes.

“I think this is why they say that college or school days are the best bet in life, quite true, you know you have crowd around but you can visualize it, you still can manage to make a way out for you but how about the crowd you just can’t imagine?” Ummm even am little confused as to what is he trying to relate with what now but it seems that his thoughts are jumping in several directions together at a time.

“Durdamya Jijivisha – Yes, this was what written in that chapter in Alok Bharti, however hard it is but human still desires to live in every damn possible situation. See the people here, they too survive in extreme climates of several degrees below zero and similarly above. How does that matter if the standards of living are high, Isn’t it also an example of durdamya jijivisha?”

Probably an extremely aged lady struggling with heavy woolens on her with the chilly wind blowing provoked this thought in him. But to see her wish to live despite any situation, inspires him for something, something unknown!

“Where will I go on Diwali this year? How about Jua? What about Rasika & Sneha? They too must be feeling little bad about this. In fact none of us will be able to get together the way we did! There won’t be any comments on each other, no lunches, no dinners, no tea at Infinitea, no shopping together, no reasons to go to Corner house, no reason to go to Nagarjuna or probably no exploration of new places around & what about Arushi? Probably it won't matter much for her, she is too young to realize all this.” It is something which can't be defined, No I do not have anything absolute to comment on his feelings. I'm surprised how has he been able to bring such feelings out of himself for the first time. May be he's trying to change himself a bit.

To break his line of thoughts he stood up and is now forwarding back to his house again, he has just taken the rest but somehow the far placed bench on roadside again is trying to prompt him to sit for a while, telling him to take some deep breathes & rest. This isn’t the way you should be thinking! How can you be so rudimentary? How do these thoughts make it any better? And why do you forget that everything is the part of life?

This has been happening since … you know it better than anyone. Is it a bigger blow than you have had in the past? You became normal then and you again will! Its not you, it applies to every normal human. I understand that it pains to see everybody you find attached to leaving you every time again. But probably harder the lessons, better is the knowledge gained. Keep your patience up! There’s always a brighter side to everything.

He just reached the bench to sit for a while that he notices the sign board besides.

“God what a nice bus stand it is! How neat and pleasing”

He couldn’t contain himself with a sudden excitement of seeing such a peaceful bus stand. All it takes a bench and a board, isn’t it like something back in India? All you need just a few people to stand, thats it :).

“Icepeak guy must be waiting for the reply, I have to respond him back with some answer soon. Sweden eh!”

Its been very dark, he too is feeling little exhausted not physically but emotionally. It was a long walk covering approx. whole of the city yet its only the thoughts that made him feel tired. True. There's nothing beyond this mind. Control this one thing, probably that will solve almost every problem like situation.

an evening walk ... (1)

... and he looked up again at the wall, its 7:30 pm but he still can notice the reflection of sunlight beneath this clock. This is what he's been doing for last one hour, making himself little restless. Look at the clock then look outside and then look back again at his laptop screen and observe the changes happening in life.

He then realizes that there's actually nothing that he can do about it, so why bother much like everyday? Why not enjoy this long evening with a walk?

"Oh yes! That’s probably a good idea. Let me go for a walk, it will be a good break from this chair & laptop screen as well.” he said to himself.

He can't say this to anyone else because at this time he din't feel like bothering the air & furniture around yet again with this gesture, who have been fairly patient enough to treat him the way he has ever wanted them to.

Alright lets' accompany him for an evening walk and find out what has he been running through in his mind, how does his thinking progresses further & what all does he talk to himself all the way this evening.

"God It’s so damn cold. Din't realize in these last three days at all that it can be still this cold outside despite the fact that people now only talk about the spring which seems to have arrived." he said to himself as he walks on the road outside his wooden air-conditioned house after three days of prison inside.

After seeing the three possible ways to go around, he chooses to move towards more of a residential area. Somehow the wooden houses have caught his attention the most in lilehammer (seems he's gonna talk only about these houses after going back home!).

He keeps forwarding himself with a mild pace looking at the serene landscape and enjoying the spectacular sight of these multi-design, multi colored, small yet elegant houses. Its not just one but several of them, diverse in color in a row makes the sight let his jaws dropped.

"Hmmm so bhaisaab also leaving Bangalore, finally he did what he was thinking for long. This is so true that the deeply buried thoughts somehow find their ways some or the other day. But couldn't he inform a little better way? Teri bike ka kya karna hai!" he said to himself, gives then a wicked smile, eyes blinks for several moments together at a stretch, lips finding to press each other, then lower one meets a teethe, cheeks getting chubbier and he is mute for several moments.

Still staring at one house which he found glued to and a sudden noise knocks his trans-state to bring him back to consciousness again. Besides these wooden houses, even the cars have caught up his attention many a times.

"Hmmm ... it’s so common to see the Mercedez & BMWs here. On one hand Norwegians say that they pay almost 150% of the actual price more for any car due to heavy taxes that they are obliged with, yet there's no compromise on the cars, there's still nothing like Maruti 800 or zen or santro as we have back in India".

"Wow! What a house!" He just admired a house which is no greatly build but for the reason that it had lots of space outside around & it looked so traditional. He's looking down at all the houses, enjoying all the minute details and forwarding to somewhere he doesn't have any vague (st) clue about.

But lilehammer is not that a big place that he'll get lost, by now he knows some or the other road will lead him back to home.

"Somehow this place looks to be so familiar, this i think is 'Storgata'. Oh yes! I saw this shop the other day as well when I came with Bent to buy dinner for him. Yes I'm correct, I remember it was here, people were sitting on the road and enjoying the sun." He has now identified the place; this is the shopping area in lilehammer. What amuses him so much about this place is that it doesn't look like a market at all; it still looks like another residential place.

"Papa was so happy to get the registration done for the house finally but now he's hurrying it too much to get the construction done even though I've told him to undertake any monetary responsibility only after two months. But may be it’s his excitement of achieving something after so long, that too at this age." Seems he is happy to feel the satisfaction in the voice of his father.

"God I think I have walked for about 3 kms now. Oh lets sit down for a while somewhere."

Its not that he's tired of walking or something but that he just wants to feel these moments with a little more ease.

Sitting, breathing heavily, looking at his foot, adjusting his camera, looking back at the roads, the houses, the burning candle at the front restaurant, two girls walking on the side, an aged person riding a bicycle. All of this was giving him a sense of glee, enjoyment or better to say the realization of nature's silent happiness spread around in diverse forms.

"These people are simply great! The way they have maintained the city and their living standards, deserves them a serious respect. But may be not only the people alone, govt. in the first place plays the biggest role. May be not, its probably a combined effort. But had they not been having the oil reserves up north, i think they too must have been struggling like India." Seems he is now crawling between his web of thoughts, trying to unearth several Whys & hows।

to be continued ...

Diamond, stone and recognition!

... an exercising thought

The other day I got to read a saying on scribd & couldn't restrain myself with a thought:

"A diamond with a flaw is better than a common stone that is perfect".

Cool !!! No doubt sounds pretty interesting to our instincts.

It is so natural for any of us to start seeing ourselves as the diamond or the stone for the simple fact that they look like objects here and as a natural tendency we tend to compare objects in sayings with ourselves as individual or 'people' in general.

However the 'common stone that is perfect' refers to a person who is not recognized for any outstanding or clearly well developed or superior characteristics whereas by going the definition of words in 'Flawed Diamond' it seems to refer to people who are rare (as diamond is rare) with a lower level subject matter expertise (as they are flawed) but since diamond enjoys quite a popularity, these people must be the recipient of extraordinary recognition, unlike common stone (that makes it common).

But isn't it true that everyone of us can only be good at certain few things and not all? As it is, therefore, we all are flawed at certain things and extremely well at certain few. What makes us a diamond or a stone is just the "recognition".

Each person is a potential diamond but only if the observer is looking for diamonds OR common stone if the observer is looking for common stones. Therefore being a Diamond/common stone goes very much in the view of the observer and not the one under observation. Hence it is the observer that is the object in this quote not at all any individual.

A person who is not recognized for his/her good deeds will likely have low-self-esteem. I find it very important for every common stone to realize two simple things:

1. It is the observer who made him a common stone, it doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't diamond.

2. Some skills on other front demand little more attention to bring them some recognition, that may probably make them a 'Kohinoor' as they were already perfect.

All the left game is about recognition!

Strange

a nascent thought

Life is full of several strange circumstances, strange events, strange experiences that it becomes indispensable to learn lessons from every such situation & experience.

These strange experiences are okay if there are no distressing after effects of them but this more often than not don’t happen. Few people are okay with these after effects as they handle them quite elegantly but for some...

I have constantly been intrigued by the situations which compels one to lose those rare people who become an integrated part of your life either when you have a defined relationship with them or with no defined relation but the association with them is so seamless that you don't even realize when did they become your necessity.

Out of the blue for some very small man made circumstances, misunderstandings, misinterpretations or misapprehensions the closeness of this association converts into the greatest distance one had only enjoyed over the celluloid, having to see it happening with self is appalling.

It scares when this happens & keeps happening. You become constrained coz it not only aches but burns you deep. However hard you want to mend the closeness back again, it doesn't matter, things just go out of your hands. Out of your hands even though the stake holders are only two and not many in between. It just doesn't work out, no matter what. It is really strange, very strange!

Thinkin' again

Yes I know I’m thinkin’ of you

Thinkin’ of you

Thinkin’ as I always do.

Thinkin’ of those flowers again

Flowers I thought of giftin’ you

And those flowers are waitin’ still

Waitin’ still

Waitin’ still for none than you.

Yes I know I’m thinkin’ of you

Thinkin’ as I always do.

Thinkin’ why this distance we have

Distance which came unwantedly through

And I question myself, what went wrong

What went wrong

Please believe me theres’ no clue.

Yes I know I’m thinkin’ of you

Thinkin’ as I always do.

Thinkin’ of those moments again

Moments colored to red-grey-blue

These moments want you to come

Want you to come

Coz lifes’ so long, they are so few.

Yes I know I’m thinkin’ of you

Thinkin’ as I always do.

You are moving, I am movin’

Both away, everyday new

But today my heart just went down

All colors changed to deep black-brown

There’s emptiness all around

With all efforts, no escape found

Yet I tried hard

Tried hard to move

The world so noisy

This heart just mute

An only option am left again with ...

... as you know, I’m thinkin’ of you

Thinkin’ as I always do!

__________________________________________________

Hmmm ... am actually convinced with myself today to see this composition bring some truest of my expressions in print. No idea how could I write this big but it just came in a flow. 40 minutes. Time taken to compose this rhyme has been seriously out of this world.

Like while flying a kite, it doesn’t matter which direction you try to make it fly, it aligns itself with the wind seamlessly eventually. There’s a beautiful experience I followed myself through, being flown through writing as well.

As I wrote earlier, writing has the power to heal; yes it definitely has but today I realized it’s even adventurous. It also gives you a platform to decode those complex twisted cables of thoughts that keep you choked every moment you find yourself dwindling with them.

You might reason down the cause of your thought process to some odd reason ‘X’ but when you start documenting about it, there’s an eventual drift towards the actual/ root cause of it, which could be some reason ‘Y’ or ‘Z'. Therefore, you get to eventually realize the pattern in the reason’s structure and you start unfolding the chemistry behind your thought process easily.

Today I actually decided to pen-down a rhyme. Rhyme without a theme in mind, just very much casually one can say. I started to write something around loneliness, which engulfs me almost everyday I’m backing home. However hard might I try, words weren't ready to come, even though am quite mentally prepared for the same.

I then stopped pressuring my mind and put my fountain pen to action and yes I could write something. But at the end of it I realized that it ended up with something I never intended to, something I never wanted to pen.

When did my initial idea get transformed into the current theme, I never realized. It was so seamless and smooth that it actually left me surprised. Even better just 40 odd minutes to give this composition a final touch is not less surprising again coz I have never written anything in less than 3-4 hours, writing a rhyme has always evolved in fact over a couple of days and yet this one looks to be so appropriate to the corresponding emotions.

Writing is definitely calling...

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