To say it or not to?

It is such a common phenomena today that we find ourselves supplemented with someone or the other in our vicinity. This someone you meet could be the one you meet over the pool table regularly after your lunch, someone close to your desk inside the office, someone you meet over a monthly meeting in your city, someone who tracks your blog or whose blog you track quite regularly or someone you simply meet over the weekend regularly; be it just your friend.

The common factor here is the ‘regularity’. This regularity is something which is responsible for most of our habits and expertise.

Start reading a particular newspaper regularly; it makes your routine. Start writing regularly, a day without it will feel you incomplete, you start programming regularly there’s nobody that can stop you from developing good software soon or you start missing that bus regularly, there will hardly be any day that you would catch it on time.

And when we start meeting someone regularly, it is this regularity that brings in the sensation of emotions & feelings. And when this sensation becomes little bewildering, it is this regularity that dupes your consciousness now, you therefore, very much unknowingly end up sharing all sorts of big or small, routine or occasional, good or bad, logical or illogical, emotional or sensible experiences with that person (referred as supplement above).

Now of course over a period of time this would surely mean something, may be this would mean that emotionally you both will be getting closer, this would also mean that from now onwards whenever you come across any experience (similar to the ones that you have already shared with that person), you would crave for the same person to accompany you just as the way it did always.

And actually it is this regularity which heads us towards a possibility that makes this supplement so close that it can actually make it impossible to accept any distance between both of you. But there’s nobody who understands you and that’s by the law of nature. You come alone, you go alone and that too happens regularly. Look at it from the eyes of the God. Births and deaths are regular phenomenaJ.

This means that you get to learn enormously in your life with just the repetition of things that happen regularly. A person responsible for handling dead bodies at cemetery would hardly be scared midnights whereas a normal person would faint away with just the thought of passing that place in the night. It’s just the regular practice one is accustomed to.

But still there are things that don’t make any difference even if they happen regularly. Yes there are things like that. However many times you cut your finger, that particular knife will always do some mischief had it found a possibility of being used by you.

I’ve been definitely seeking some solution to a situation which I’ve now encountered several many times but every such time I’ve just been left intrigued to my deepest senses with no answer at all.

One such occasion this happens is when you find yourself getting into silly misunderstanding with somebody close to you, be he your husband, be she your daughter, be she your beloved, be he your very very close roommate for several years. And all this is the result of closeness, when we are close to someone, there are expectations (& don’t fool yourself around saying that you shouldn’t have them ideally coz they are natural). These expectations are very much natural unless you are a perfectionist!

So basically, all the non-perfectionist(s) have to face such occasions in their very much a regular life and its very normal, usual and okay to have.

Lets’ say you sense that an alliance (personal or professional) is not going to work out for long but you do not either want it to end (thinking of ending it in an indecent manner is certainly a distant thought) or to carry it forward. You also understand that it is nothing but some sort of misunderstanding yet the situation is out of your control. On the other hand you have several things in your mind which needs to be expressed, it may axe the relationship, or it may not. But how do you find what is the best way to go about?

So the biggest confusion almost every time is to decide whether ‘to say or not to?’ or ‘to confess or not to?’ in every uncontrolled situation.

To say whatever is in your mind or just to keep everything within you thinking had there been a possibility of understanding you wouldn’t have come to this stage.

There are times, when both the silent kid & not-so-silent (one who seeks serious attention) kid within yourself start questioning for the priority within you. And when we try judging them the both, both of them look semi-perfect. It then becomes even more difficult for just one you to come forward and take a decision.

I understand there might not be a standard solution but then there should be something that should ease out the way. I thought it should be silence but that too carries opposite meanings sometimes, God only knows!

Diamond, stone and recognition!

... an exercising thought

The other day I got to read a saying on scribd & couldn't restrain myself with a thought:

"A diamond with a flaw is better than a common stone that is perfect".

Cool !!! No doubt sounds pretty interesting to our instincts.

It is so natural for any of us to start seeing ourselves as the diamond or the stone for the simple fact that they look like objects here and as a natural tendency we tend to compare objects in sayings with ourselves as individual or 'people' in general.

However the 'common stone that is perfect' refers to a person who is not recognized for any outstanding or clearly well developed or superior characteristics whereas by going the definition of words in 'Flawed Diamond' it seems to refer to people who are rare (as diamond is rare) with a lower level subject matter expertise (as they are flawed) but since diamond enjoys quite a popularity, these people must be the recipient of extraordinary recognition, unlike common stone (that makes it common).

But isn't it true that everyone of us can only be good at certain few things and not all? As it is, therefore, we all are flawed at certain things and extremely well at certain few. What makes us a diamond or a stone is just the "recognition".

Each person is a potential diamond but only if the observer is looking for diamonds OR common stone if the observer is looking for common stones. Therefore being a Diamond/common stone goes very much in the view of the observer and not the one under observation. Hence it is the observer that is the object in this quote not at all any individual.

A person who is not recognized for his/her good deeds will likely have low-self-esteem. I find it very important for every common stone to realize two simple things:

1. It is the observer who made him a common stone, it doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't diamond.

2. Some skills on other front demand little more attention to bring them some recognition, that may probably make them a 'Kohinoor' as they were already perfect.

All the left game is about recognition!

Strange

a nascent thought

Life is full of several strange circumstances, strange events, strange experiences that it becomes indispensable to learn lessons from every such situation & experience.

These strange experiences are okay if there are no distressing after effects of them but this more often than not don’t happen. Few people are okay with these after effects as they handle them quite elegantly but for some...

I have constantly been intrigued by the situations which compels one to lose those rare people who become an integrated part of your life either when you have a defined relationship with them or with no defined relation but the association with them is so seamless that you don't even realize when did they become your necessity.

Out of the blue for some very small man made circumstances, misunderstandings, misinterpretations or misapprehensions the closeness of this association converts into the greatest distance one had only enjoyed over the celluloid, having to see it happening with self is appalling.

It scares when this happens & keeps happening. You become constrained coz it not only aches but burns you deep. However hard you want to mend the closeness back again, it doesn't matter, things just go out of your hands. Out of your hands even though the stake holders are only two and not many in between. It just doesn't work out, no matter what. It is really strange, very strange!

Love or Devotion?

Important: Take it easy

There has been so much known in this world about love that one or two experiences or comments from a novice like me wouldn't even make sense. With my generation it has already been such a common phenomena that I wonder if its the same which people did a generation or two ago. It reminds me of an old song

"aapki nazron ne samjha, Pyaar ke kaabil Mujhe
Dil ki ae Dhadkan thahar ja Mil gayi Manzil mujhe"

Where are those bondings? Look around anywhere, so many people just trying to satisfy their personal egos on this front, which makes people like me little stubborn about getting into any such relationships & hence I've always forced myself not to give enough space to myself to find entangled in this web anymore.

But a human is after all human, how long can you fight with the laws of nature? There are times you also meet a person who looks to be so nice & comfortable that your hormonal structure is forced to get imbalanced. You actually feel like doing everything w.r.t. that person as if you would have done for the one just like as if you loved him/her, doesn't matter how stubborn or stern you are to this feeling.

Since we do not know or usually do not even try to know whether the feeling is exactly the love or something that looks very much similar to it but not love. Indian culture especially is so much obsessed with this feeling that we do not even bother to find if theres something that can exist beyond this brand called 'love', we therefore end up calling every damn emotional feeling as love, treating it as love and believing it as love and when this thread demands a permanent relationship it doesn't work out for most of us. And very easily then we end up saying that 'Love marriages aren't successful'!

It therefore, becomes immensely important for us to find out if this feeling is really the love or something which looks very similar to it but actually not love. But the whole big issue here is: Are we really mature enough to make judgments in the matters of love? And in case we are, what are the parameters against which we should evaluate the sensation of these emotional feelings?

I somehow discovered something of this sort very recently, yes I too liked a girl with no strings attached. After spending a considerable amount of time together, very much like a normal guy, weighing my principles on one side and the emotional turbulences on to the other, I realized that there's something that holds me close to this girl and it was then when I urged to find the real meaning of the strong affection I had developed. Was that love or a replica in course?

To ease out the comparison between the love and a replica of it, lets term it as devotion (funny part is that till date Wikipedia doesn't have any definition for this word & in Hindu mythology its just a synonymous for Bhakti, which am sure is little away from the sense I mean to use it for), for the simple reason that it sounds quite nice & decent, also this is the best word my vocab suggests me (it could be anything else, as long as the essence remains same). But then the boundary between this love & devotion is very mean. On top of that, with the culture & ambiance we live in today, it becomes even difficult to identify & justify whether do you love a person or just feel like devoted to.

How can one find if it is love or devotion?
Now defining love would mean like showing light to the other end of an infinite tunnel with a candle in hand. Let me try a bit with my small candle source itself (I have to, since the subject has already gained the momentum).
* Somehow I feel in love you feel like getting as close to each other as possible, applies to getting physically closer as well.
* You feel like participating in every possible chores of the person you find hooked to, within or out of reach, doesn't matter.
* You also feel like consulting & getting consulted for every damn small thing in life which wouldn't mean/ matter anything to anybody else besides both of you.
* At the end of the day, all you want is the company of the person that you believe you love.
* To express & getting expressed about yourself in due course of time from each other is something inevitable.
And several things like that which am sure wouldn't need any mean explanation from my side.

Devotion I felt comes, when the source of attachment is something very sharp & focussed (very much away from the dynamics of love in its fundamentals, couldn't be termed on the basis of parameters like beauty, smile, closeness etc. etc.). This source could be as simple as some sort of sympathy towards that person for just one very very small reason, which wouldn't even find a ground to stand if talked about it to someone even by chance.

And when you feel like devoted all that matters is that person's agony & presence to you. It also doesn't matter if that person really appreciates you/ your devotion at all or not. You believe in doing some sort of Karma & feel like hooked to even if he/ she remains or tries to detach from you or for that matter remains involved with somebody else.

I believe its just a language of admiration which doesn't need any appreciations but attention and not even attention many a times. Importantly, like love it also doesn't end even if the bond weakens but unlike love it usually doesn't makes you negative about the person even with worst of the understandings. Here too a feeling that could hurt most of the times is the ignorance from the person. Here too expectations, fear & disappointment makes a very much an cyclic part of the relationship that you share, which is potentially stronger enough to bring your energy levels down to the minimum that you can ever expect.

And all this has definitely taught me something vital but thats my understanding of the things, everyone has to go through this process to be able to derive out this learning ... But I know even if I say all this, it will still repeat, I'll still admire people, I'll still long for closeness, I'll still find sympathetic and may be devoted again, an irony indeed!

I also know whatever remains the matter of the subject, it can never be perfect, can never be sufficient & can never be absolute but still ...