I want my kid to do this.

Whatever I’m writing here is just an observation. I do not have any personal experience; therefore, I’ve strong reasons to evaluate the situation wrongly.

It was a short time back I observed a person or should I say a contemporary father getting annoyed over the misdeeds of an under 3 daughter. A father who says & believes in giving space to each other suddenly reached his peak of temper & seemed to lose control; result is that the daughter, who doesn’t understand so many gestures today got confronted to something our generation has grown up with - a ‘slap’.

This indeed isn’t something that God designed us to feel good about, so I infer that she too did not feel at all good about it. Tears in her eyes & the loud cry were actually enough to justify that. Father has good amount of reasoning to which I agree too. The daughter was becoming mischievous, drifting towards a state where kids start to understand that it is okay even if they do not follow what has been directed to them. And she actually started to become notorious. Inspite of good amount of peaceful efforts she started not to follow what is expected from her. She wanted to do what she liked and all these likes were just momentary, she doesn’t understand but there is nothing to make her realize this as well.

But the father many times expects something else from her. He wants her to follow him because he knows what is actually good & correct. But the problem here is that she doesn’t understand this, even a slap wouldn’t have been enough to make her realize this. Probably she wouldn’t understand even with couple of more such slaps. So, the father actually has an option to slap a couple of times more to feed her with a fear factor, then there is a possibility that she would start following what her father or may be father-mother collectively wants from her; not always but at times of course.

If I take all the complexities away, I see here two humans as a part of some communication, a kid & a man. This kid wants to actually do something that she feels momentarily good about. Man too wants to get something done what he feels good about at this moment. There is no similarity in the wants of these people rather they are contradictory enough. There is a clash in the want factor of these two humans now. And yes they have a relation of being a father & a daughter.

This person always has an option to get everything done forcefully, kid doesn’t even know about it. Let’s say kid somehow knew about how to slap, in such a situation the kid also might have slapped this person. But the concern here is that the kid will do so without any sense of judging the good or bad whereas the person does it with all such senses. I sometime feel isn’t it merely a clash over our wants and wherever we feel that we can dominate, do it to get what you want!

Sometimes our inner self gets so willful that we do not realize how & when we become stubborn about small-small things. No matter how thoughtful or intelligence you seem to have acquired all you want is something that you feel obsessed about at this moment.

It definitely needs some more introspection, especially then, when we practice world of things to keep our senses in control. This situation was definitely not a scenario on the roadside about fighting for your own rights, where aggression is inevitable sometimes, dealing with our own kid may be requires lots of study and awareness. Time is changing and so our ways of accepting the values. Values still remain the same but the way is definitely not the same that we followed and we shouldn’t even think about trying to fix an old nail on the modern wall. Today we get interior done which wasn’t a common case in the earlier times.

I am not married; do not therefore have any possibility to judge the way a father could evaluate this. Somehow I myself felt lots of pain that day, help shedding few droplets, I was hurt may be more than this kid did. Din't feel like talking about it to anyone. I know it wasn’t for anything wrong but the pantry of mind hasn’t stopped reasoning since then. It is after observing something similar in the bus yesterday, how she handled her notorious son, all these emotions were elicited again.

Even God can have Bytecode theory!

It was a usual morning prayer; I was chanting the ‘Omkar’ with a good amount of throat open. After completing the prayer, I don’t know why but I was baffled with a random thought, nothing serious but a naughty expression of this perplexed mind.

Till date I was chanting all the prayers from within the Indian boundaries, now suddenly I started doing so from the European country. It doesn’t matter to god, I have a freedom to do so wherever I go with a faith that this voice will reach God anyway, I don’t know if it does reach or not but I do not have any reason to believe it negatively as well, after all its about questioning the system made by the superlative spirit – The God.

Alright this all is okay. Following this, another query that generated is; I’m just one human, with one language I chant the prayer in; but there are countless languages, myriads of religions, array of customs & traditions. How does God compile all these diverse languages, religious activities to understand what is what? Or to realize what is good or bad?

The scenario is something similar to what we have in software industry, a number of programming languages today but no one compiler that can convert every language to an executable binary. Therefore, the baffling thought is; does God have enough good compiler to evaluate this complex data of numerous spoken, non-spoken languages, religious activities, customs, traditions etc?

From a human perspective it definitely isn’t possible to handle all this diversity, after all there are many other things to be done as wellJ. So there is a high probability of the existence of an Intermediate language, a sort of middleware (concept like Bytecode) in between. It gets so simple now; all I chant now gets converted to this Intermediate language, which God can easily evaluate from a single compiler.

I’m sure making a single such compiler would be a kid’s play for the God. May be he could also maintain for all this diversity as well but it is the matter of keeping things simple. No doubt, this set up also requires as many JIT compilers as there are diversities to convert them all to this intermediate language of course.

Only if this silly concept exists!

Geeks Vs Happiness

It is somewhat true that the individuality of a person makes him feel good either when he is recognized for what he does or when he has an undying faith in himself.

What about the people who do not have either?

It is very much a possibility for a person to grow and nurture himself without any recognition in anything that he does or with the unfavorable circumstances to make him feel confident about being himself every now and then.

Developing countries are usually dominated by the lower and middle class families. Lower, lower middle & average middle class kids are often caught up in the illusions like, What am I good for? Can I ever do what I want to? Is there a possibility that can favor me like it did for several others, whom I have heard about? And many questions like that.

Not having seen any role model closely in their life, not having heard of the success stories than some smaller achievements made bigger by the adults around bring their horizon to a level where the kids in developed countries might start to see further.

These stories usually are restricted to the achievements of someone in the family or to some distant relation. How someone boarded the airplane or even went out of country for the first time, how somebody got to manage a job out of the family tradition or how somebody made sacrifice with his life or his career for someone close in an inevitable situation or somebody having struggled throughout his life to make a house for the family. Therefore, making a house in the lifetime, going out of country, finding a highly paid job, struggling to do something out of family tradition is a big achievement for the kids from such communities and this constitutes their happiness.

Such kids tend to associate themselves with the situations which are more about misery. They tend to see more tragedy in the community and the country they live in than the average person who would prefer some comedy or romance through television. For them tragedy is easier to find than compassion, even though compassion likely exists in greater proportions. It is more likely for them to identify the misery even in the comedy or the romance that they see.

According to some study, children develop themselves along four streams, Intellectual, Physical, Emotional (Psychological) & Social.

It’s only the smartest kids who are a part of almost all activities in the classrooms. But there are nerds around, commonly known as "geeks", they are odd or social outsiders. They may develop themselves intellectually or even physically where opportunities exist for more progress but they lack socially in comparison. They might not know how to handle a friend who teases them in front of all the girls/ boys, how to refuse somebody for a favor, how to ask somebody for a help without being overwhelmed, they might not even know how to get engaged to the opposite gender at all.

Their emotional development characterized by their ability to cope up with stressful situations over a long period of time also lags. And then there are adults, so called "Elders". They believe that an intellectually superior kid can deal with most of the situations and do not consider it as important to guide him/ her as they would do for a dumb kid in their view. This inevitably let these intellectual kids go through tough times alone either without or with underdeveloped skills to support themselves.

Adults do not understand easily that they actually need help as these kids do not look to be shaken or affected from their outlook. They may talk even sensible during such situations but it does not necessarily mean that they can handle such situations without an external helping hand.

These kids also have the feeling of getting associated with the social infrastructure but then the social kids term them as 'outsiders' and do not want to associate with them. Eventually we have several many highly intelligent people today but with lesser social quotient. It should come as no surprise to see most of the back bencher(s) from a class manage to do much bigger things with quite an ease being happy, and in fact they tend to be happy most of the times. For them the only important thing in life is to do something that brings them small small happiness whereas the intellectual kid might be seen struggling to carve a niche out for himself.

Developing countries do not provide good incubators for the people who are socially inept and those with emotional coping problems. Therefore, these people will not be the among you should expect to be happy most of the times.

Education system in developing countries primarily favors wealth accumulation as a whole, eventually, encourages the students to take up the fields which either offer quick money at an early stage like engineering ( today it is synonymous to softwares), or wealth bundled with huge recognition like movie heroes or which brings them easy money like Govt. services or sometimes getting into army as well. Medicine is enjoyed for money, respect but for a social service.

For such countries nurturing the intellectual development is more about individual efforts or a task of special communities which are usually distributed and take several distributed efforts to bring about some difference in the society. There is no structured approach towards that. It is even difficult to arrange sufficient infrastructure for the same.

Extraordinary or super intellectuals manage but only few reach the top ladder. Average ones still remain at the ground, thinking, wondering, figuring out all the what(s), why(s) & how(s).

Times are changing though, today geeks gain high recognition as the people with great potential, and they are more socially accepted than in the past but they still rank as social outsiders in most situations, including their skills to be a good mate or parents. Unless they receive more assistance with their social and emotional development, most are destined to be unhappy as they mature in the world of adults.

And if you disagree with any of the explanations above, try scratching any such intellectual person around you, you are more likely to get convinced. How desperate are they to be happy! How badly do they also want to explore the road to happiness! And how fed up are they with any artificial or forceful activity to make them feel good or happy about!

Being happy is a process, a big process.

To say it or not to?

It is such a common phenomena today that we find ourselves supplemented with someone or the other in our vicinity. This someone you meet could be the one you meet over the pool table regularly after your lunch, someone close to your desk inside the office, someone you meet over a monthly meeting in your city, someone who tracks your blog or whose blog you track quite regularly or someone you simply meet over the weekend regularly; be it just your friend.

The common factor here is the ‘regularity’. This regularity is something which is responsible for most of our habits and expertise.

Start reading a particular newspaper regularly; it makes your routine. Start writing regularly, a day without it will feel you incomplete, you start programming regularly there’s nobody that can stop you from developing good software soon or you start missing that bus regularly, there will hardly be any day that you would catch it on time.

And when we start meeting someone regularly, it is this regularity that brings in the sensation of emotions & feelings. And when this sensation becomes little bewildering, it is this regularity that dupes your consciousness now, you therefore, very much unknowingly end up sharing all sorts of big or small, routine or occasional, good or bad, logical or illogical, emotional or sensible experiences with that person (referred as supplement above).

Now of course over a period of time this would surely mean something, may be this would mean that emotionally you both will be getting closer, this would also mean that from now onwards whenever you come across any experience (similar to the ones that you have already shared with that person), you would crave for the same person to accompany you just as the way it did always.

And actually it is this regularity which heads us towards a possibility that makes this supplement so close that it can actually make it impossible to accept any distance between both of you. But there’s nobody who understands you and that’s by the law of nature. You come alone, you go alone and that too happens regularly. Look at it from the eyes of the God. Births and deaths are regular phenomenaJ.

This means that you get to learn enormously in your life with just the repetition of things that happen regularly. A person responsible for handling dead bodies at cemetery would hardly be scared midnights whereas a normal person would faint away with just the thought of passing that place in the night. It’s just the regular practice one is accustomed to.

But still there are things that don’t make any difference even if they happen regularly. Yes there are things like that. However many times you cut your finger, that particular knife will always do some mischief had it found a possibility of being used by you.

I’ve been definitely seeking some solution to a situation which I’ve now encountered several many times but every such time I’ve just been left intrigued to my deepest senses with no answer at all.

One such occasion this happens is when you find yourself getting into silly misunderstanding with somebody close to you, be he your husband, be she your daughter, be she your beloved, be he your very very close roommate for several years. And all this is the result of closeness, when we are close to someone, there are expectations (& don’t fool yourself around saying that you shouldn’t have them ideally coz they are natural). These expectations are very much natural unless you are a perfectionist!

So basically, all the non-perfectionist(s) have to face such occasions in their very much a regular life and its very normal, usual and okay to have.

Lets’ say you sense that an alliance (personal or professional) is not going to work out for long but you do not either want it to end (thinking of ending it in an indecent manner is certainly a distant thought) or to carry it forward. You also understand that it is nothing but some sort of misunderstanding yet the situation is out of your control. On the other hand you have several things in your mind which needs to be expressed, it may axe the relationship, or it may not. But how do you find what is the best way to go about?

So the biggest confusion almost every time is to decide whether ‘to say or not to?’ or ‘to confess or not to?’ in every uncontrolled situation.

To say whatever is in your mind or just to keep everything within you thinking had there been a possibility of understanding you wouldn’t have come to this stage.

There are times, when both the silent kid & not-so-silent (one who seeks serious attention) kid within yourself start questioning for the priority within you. And when we try judging them the both, both of them look semi-perfect. It then becomes even more difficult for just one you to come forward and take a decision.

I understand there might not be a standard solution but then there should be something that should ease out the way. I thought it should be silence but that too carries opposite meanings sometimes, God only knows!

an evening walk ... (2)

contd. an evening walk ...(1)

Engulfed in his own thoughts, he is exploring the place looking here and there. It is while observing these big trees, standing naked all alone makes him feel welcoming to this place and in their world of silence and loneliness. Suddenly his emotions are spurting up to embrace these trees and he feels like spending some time talking to them, asking them how do they preserve themselves so silently?

I know him, this loneliness caused to him is not coz of the absence of other human bodies around but the loneliness of being a lost single note in the intense noise everywhere around. Sometimes he is not been able to identify as to why has he been granted this big human life? Has there been some special reasons that God created him for? If it is then why doesn’t he let us know clearly?

Wake up everyday with a fresh neutral mind to face these worldly infinite diverse possibilities that the end of the day is still the same, ‘you do not know what best thing & which is the best way to go for?’

“But I remember discussing with him once about the house, when I read RichDadPoorDad to which he responded as a place for emotional needs, quite away from any materialistic requirement! Yet he is leaving this home! Wouldn’t it pain him at all? When I can sense the pain without having at all a share there, how could he pass a thought of selling it away completely, having spent several years there, having seen complete construction in front of the eyes? May be money, may be opportunities, may be prejudicial thoughts about the new place, may be …”

He is now lost among several may be(s) and is still not getting ready to believe that he wouldn’t find that place again where he landed up the first in this Bangalore city, he wouldn’t be able to see the faces he is now obsessed with and takes for granted, he won’t have any reason to come to the area where he drove the most in this city or would he be able to drive back again in those areas at all? How would it feel visiting the vicinity of that place and finding that No, there’s nobody here now, there's no home, there's no kid you can play around with, there's nobody to recognize you, you have to return back to your rented room! Despite several attempts to fathom the depth of this hollowness which is getting deeper and deeper, he is just as good as the ant who is trying to escape out of the dish which has boiling water inside and kept on the stove which is red hot outside. There's no escape out!

“How everything around you sometimes steals your mood to give you exactly the view you want to see.” Looking at the deserted road in front, the road looks so silent that he finds easy to map approximately every thought in his mind with an object he could visualize with the eyes.

“I think this is why they say that college or school days are the best bet in life, quite true, you know you have crowd around but you can visualize it, you still can manage to make a way out for you but how about the crowd you just can’t imagine?” Ummm even am little confused as to what is he trying to relate with what now but it seems that his thoughts are jumping in several directions together at a time.

“Durdamya Jijivisha – Yes, this was what written in that chapter in Alok Bharti, however hard it is but human still desires to live in every damn possible situation. See the people here, they too survive in extreme climates of several degrees below zero and similarly above. How does that matter if the standards of living are high, Isn’t it also an example of durdamya jijivisha?”

Probably an extremely aged lady struggling with heavy woolens on her with the chilly wind blowing provoked this thought in him. But to see her wish to live despite any situation, inspires him for something, something unknown!

“Where will I go on Diwali this year? How about Jua? What about Rasika & Sneha? They too must be feeling little bad about this. In fact none of us will be able to get together the way we did! There won’t be any comments on each other, no lunches, no dinners, no tea at Infinitea, no shopping together, no reasons to go to Corner house, no reason to go to Nagarjuna or probably no exploration of new places around & what about Arushi? Probably it won't matter much for her, she is too young to realize all this.” It is something which can't be defined, No I do not have anything absolute to comment on his feelings. I'm surprised how has he been able to bring such feelings out of himself for the first time. May be he's trying to change himself a bit.

To break his line of thoughts he stood up and is now forwarding back to his house again, he has just taken the rest but somehow the far placed bench on roadside again is trying to prompt him to sit for a while, telling him to take some deep breathes & rest. This isn’t the way you should be thinking! How can you be so rudimentary? How do these thoughts make it any better? And why do you forget that everything is the part of life?

This has been happening since … you know it better than anyone. Is it a bigger blow than you have had in the past? You became normal then and you again will! Its not you, it applies to every normal human. I understand that it pains to see everybody you find attached to leaving you every time again. But probably harder the lessons, better is the knowledge gained. Keep your patience up! There’s always a brighter side to everything.

He just reached the bench to sit for a while that he notices the sign board besides.

“God what a nice bus stand it is! How neat and pleasing”

He couldn’t contain himself with a sudden excitement of seeing such a peaceful bus stand. All it takes a bench and a board, isn’t it like something back in India? All you need just a few people to stand, thats it :).

“Icepeak guy must be waiting for the reply, I have to respond him back with some answer soon. Sweden eh!”

Its been very dark, he too is feeling little exhausted not physically but emotionally. It was a long walk covering approx. whole of the city yet its only the thoughts that made him feel tired. True. There's nothing beyond this mind. Control this one thing, probably that will solve almost every problem like situation.

an evening walk ... (1)

... and he looked up again at the wall, its 7:30 pm but he still can notice the reflection of sunlight beneath this clock. This is what he's been doing for last one hour, making himself little restless. Look at the clock then look outside and then look back again at his laptop screen and observe the changes happening in life.

He then realizes that there's actually nothing that he can do about it, so why bother much like everyday? Why not enjoy this long evening with a walk?

"Oh yes! That’s probably a good idea. Let me go for a walk, it will be a good break from this chair & laptop screen as well.” he said to himself.

He can't say this to anyone else because at this time he din't feel like bothering the air & furniture around yet again with this gesture, who have been fairly patient enough to treat him the way he has ever wanted them to.

Alright lets' accompany him for an evening walk and find out what has he been running through in his mind, how does his thinking progresses further & what all does he talk to himself all the way this evening.

"God It’s so damn cold. Din't realize in these last three days at all that it can be still this cold outside despite the fact that people now only talk about the spring which seems to have arrived." he said to himself as he walks on the road outside his wooden air-conditioned house after three days of prison inside.

After seeing the three possible ways to go around, he chooses to move towards more of a residential area. Somehow the wooden houses have caught his attention the most in lilehammer (seems he's gonna talk only about these houses after going back home!).

He keeps forwarding himself with a mild pace looking at the serene landscape and enjoying the spectacular sight of these multi-design, multi colored, small yet elegant houses. Its not just one but several of them, diverse in color in a row makes the sight let his jaws dropped.

"Hmmm so bhaisaab also leaving Bangalore, finally he did what he was thinking for long. This is so true that the deeply buried thoughts somehow find their ways some or the other day. But couldn't he inform a little better way? Teri bike ka kya karna hai!" he said to himself, gives then a wicked smile, eyes blinks for several moments together at a stretch, lips finding to press each other, then lower one meets a teethe, cheeks getting chubbier and he is mute for several moments.

Still staring at one house which he found glued to and a sudden noise knocks his trans-state to bring him back to consciousness again. Besides these wooden houses, even the cars have caught up his attention many a times.

"Hmmm ... it’s so common to see the Mercedez & BMWs here. On one hand Norwegians say that they pay almost 150% of the actual price more for any car due to heavy taxes that they are obliged with, yet there's no compromise on the cars, there's still nothing like Maruti 800 or zen or santro as we have back in India".

"Wow! What a house!" He just admired a house which is no greatly build but for the reason that it had lots of space outside around & it looked so traditional. He's looking down at all the houses, enjoying all the minute details and forwarding to somewhere he doesn't have any vague (st) clue about.

But lilehammer is not that a big place that he'll get lost, by now he knows some or the other road will lead him back to home.

"Somehow this place looks to be so familiar, this i think is 'Storgata'. Oh yes! I saw this shop the other day as well when I came with Bent to buy dinner for him. Yes I'm correct, I remember it was here, people were sitting on the road and enjoying the sun." He has now identified the place; this is the shopping area in lilehammer. What amuses him so much about this place is that it doesn't look like a market at all; it still looks like another residential place.

"Papa was so happy to get the registration done for the house finally but now he's hurrying it too much to get the construction done even though I've told him to undertake any monetary responsibility only after two months. But may be it’s his excitement of achieving something after so long, that too at this age." Seems he is happy to feel the satisfaction in the voice of his father.

"God I think I have walked for about 3 kms now. Oh lets sit down for a while somewhere."

Its not that he's tired of walking or something but that he just wants to feel these moments with a little more ease.

Sitting, breathing heavily, looking at his foot, adjusting his camera, looking back at the roads, the houses, the burning candle at the front restaurant, two girls walking on the side, an aged person riding a bicycle. All of this was giving him a sense of glee, enjoyment or better to say the realization of nature's silent happiness spread around in diverse forms.

"These people are simply great! The way they have maintained the city and their living standards, deserves them a serious respect. But may be not only the people alone, govt. in the first place plays the biggest role. May be not, its probably a combined effort. But had they not been having the oil reserves up north, i think they too must have been struggling like India." Seems he is now crawling between his web of thoughts, trying to unearth several Whys & hows।

to be continued ...

Diamond, stone and recognition!

... an exercising thought

The other day I got to read a saying on scribd & couldn't restrain myself with a thought:

"A diamond with a flaw is better than a common stone that is perfect".

Cool !!! No doubt sounds pretty interesting to our instincts.

It is so natural for any of us to start seeing ourselves as the diamond or the stone for the simple fact that they look like objects here and as a natural tendency we tend to compare objects in sayings with ourselves as individual or 'people' in general.

However the 'common stone that is perfect' refers to a person who is not recognized for any outstanding or clearly well developed or superior characteristics whereas by going the definition of words in 'Flawed Diamond' it seems to refer to people who are rare (as diamond is rare) with a lower level subject matter expertise (as they are flawed) but since diamond enjoys quite a popularity, these people must be the recipient of extraordinary recognition, unlike common stone (that makes it common).

But isn't it true that everyone of us can only be good at certain few things and not all? As it is, therefore, we all are flawed at certain things and extremely well at certain few. What makes us a diamond or a stone is just the "recognition".

Each person is a potential diamond but only if the observer is looking for diamonds OR common stone if the observer is looking for common stones. Therefore being a Diamond/common stone goes very much in the view of the observer and not the one under observation. Hence it is the observer that is the object in this quote not at all any individual.

A person who is not recognized for his/her good deeds will likely have low-self-esteem. I find it very important for every common stone to realize two simple things:

1. It is the observer who made him a common stone, it doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't diamond.

2. Some skills on other front demand little more attention to bring them some recognition, that may probably make them a 'Kohinoor' as they were already perfect.

All the left game is about recognition!

Strange

a nascent thought

Life is full of several strange circumstances, strange events, strange experiences that it becomes indispensable to learn lessons from every such situation & experience.

These strange experiences are okay if there are no distressing after effects of them but this more often than not don’t happen. Few people are okay with these after effects as they handle them quite elegantly but for some...

I have constantly been intrigued by the situations which compels one to lose those rare people who become an integrated part of your life either when you have a defined relationship with them or with no defined relation but the association with them is so seamless that you don't even realize when did they become your necessity.

Out of the blue for some very small man made circumstances, misunderstandings, misinterpretations or misapprehensions the closeness of this association converts into the greatest distance one had only enjoyed over the celluloid, having to see it happening with self is appalling.

It scares when this happens & keeps happening. You become constrained coz it not only aches but burns you deep. However hard you want to mend the closeness back again, it doesn't matter, things just go out of your hands. Out of your hands even though the stake holders are only two and not many in between. It just doesn't work out, no matter what. It is really strange, very strange!

Thinkin' again

Yes I know I’m thinkin’ of you

Thinkin’ of you

Thinkin’ as I always do.

Thinkin’ of those flowers again

Flowers I thought of giftin’ you

And those flowers are waitin’ still

Waitin’ still

Waitin’ still for none than you.

Yes I know I’m thinkin’ of you

Thinkin’ as I always do.

Thinkin’ why this distance we have

Distance which came unwantedly through

And I question myself, what went wrong

What went wrong

Please believe me theres’ no clue.

Yes I know I’m thinkin’ of you

Thinkin’ as I always do.

Thinkin’ of those moments again

Moments colored to red-grey-blue

These moments want you to come

Want you to come

Coz lifes’ so long, they are so few.

Yes I know I’m thinkin’ of you

Thinkin’ as I always do.

You are moving, I am movin’

Both away, everyday new

But today my heart just went down

All colors changed to deep black-brown

There’s emptiness all around

With all efforts, no escape found

Yet I tried hard

Tried hard to move

The world so noisy

This heart just mute

An only option am left again with ...

... as you know, I’m thinkin’ of you

Thinkin’ as I always do!

__________________________________________________

Hmmm ... am actually convinced with myself today to see this composition bring some truest of my expressions in print. No idea how could I write this big but it just came in a flow. 40 minutes. Time taken to compose this rhyme has been seriously out of this world.

Like while flying a kite, it doesn’t matter which direction you try to make it fly, it aligns itself with the wind seamlessly eventually. There’s a beautiful experience I followed myself through, being flown through writing as well.

As I wrote earlier, writing has the power to heal; yes it definitely has but today I realized it’s even adventurous. It also gives you a platform to decode those complex twisted cables of thoughts that keep you choked every moment you find yourself dwindling with them.

You might reason down the cause of your thought process to some odd reason ‘X’ but when you start documenting about it, there’s an eventual drift towards the actual/ root cause of it, which could be some reason ‘Y’ or ‘Z'. Therefore, you get to eventually realize the pattern in the reason’s structure and you start unfolding the chemistry behind your thought process easily.

Today I actually decided to pen-down a rhyme. Rhyme without a theme in mind, just very much casually one can say. I started to write something around loneliness, which engulfs me almost everyday I’m backing home. However hard might I try, words weren't ready to come, even though am quite mentally prepared for the same.

I then stopped pressuring my mind and put my fountain pen to action and yes I could write something. But at the end of it I realized that it ended up with something I never intended to, something I never wanted to pen.

When did my initial idea get transformed into the current theme, I never realized. It was so seamless and smooth that it actually left me surprised. Even better just 40 odd minutes to give this composition a final touch is not less surprising again coz I have never written anything in less than 3-4 hours, writing a rhyme has always evolved in fact over a couple of days and yet this one looks to be so appropriate to the corresponding emotions.

Writing is definitely calling...

Download as PDF

Lillehammer

Its just a few days ago I landed up here at a small town in Norway called Lillehammer. Talk to anyone about the city, the first impression you get is that its the place of 1994 Winter Olympic games (which was around 12 of February back in 94). My office is located at Fakkelgården (seems to be the hub of sports athletes during Olympics).

The other attraction attached to this place is the Lake Mjøsa (read myosa), which is the biggest lake in whole Norway. Lillehammer is actually located on the northernmost part of this lake. One day over a lunch discussion got to know quite strange things about this lake. During winters, this lake freezes to a depth that the surface is hard enough to drive a car or to land a helicopter quite easily on it. It was back in ancient times when Germans tried intruding Norway through to Lillehammer, Norwegians broke down an important bridge to prevent the intrusion but the winter season preferred the Germans, as they could easily land their air vehicles on this lake mjøsa. I saw this lake while driving from Oslo to Lillehammer from within the car, no one can believe that its a lake looking at its size, it certainly looks like a big river!

I can compare this city to a small hill station in India like Nainital or Dehradun. It is a hilly region, surrounded by mountains but displays the efficient infrastructure and magnificent architecture. The wooden houses look quite solemn and beautiful, it is in fact said that lillehammer preserves the beautiful wooden houses of even as late as 19th century. The city has one main street which is like a main market or a place where you can go for shopping, which is as big as the Brigade road in Bangalore but damn neat and beautiful displaying a traditional look quite opposed to the modern visual noise which we encounter in almost every big city today be it anywhere in the world for that matter.

Another observation which mesmerizes me is the presence of the small candles at the restaurants everywhere. They say that the burning candle makes the ambiance livelier, which I myself felt to be quite true, you actually feel good to see all the tables with a small lit candle. Whole room gains immense energy from so many lighted candles around. You can even encounter a big candle burning outside the shops, which signifies that the shop is still open, which are blown off only while closing the shop.

My accommodation has been arranged at Nedre Lundebekken; inside a small beautiful wooden house (completely engulfed with snow outside) about a Km and half distant from office, this place is actually the hostel for the college students here. And am sure its worth a sight for the people who haven't seen wooden houses and snow in life, it simply looks ecstatic.

Another concept of having your garbage sorted out at home in three different containers certainly needs attention. At home everyone maintains three different dustbins. A blue in color, to collect the paper garbage, a brown one should be used for the organic waste and the white one should be used for rest everything. And there are bigger dump baskets in a housing colony for different garbage. It’s every week that the govt. vehicles collect the garbage and dumps different kind of garbage at different places, which ensures that the plastic and paper can go for recycling easily and extra labor can be avoided for the same. Looking at the packaged content growing in its reputation, the disposal of plastic garbage certainly is becoming a global issue today and such simple efforts are worth an attention.

Although the Norwegians too have advanced and supposed to be quite well-to-do in monetary terms compared to the global standards. The divide between the rich and poor is like negligible (doesn’t mean that they don’t have riches and poor), the middle class here rules the society with a major share, I am impressed to see the perseverance towards their customs, traditions and culture, which is very much reflected in every small activity of their daily routine life.

Although it’s the winter season here, there is no way any activity is restrained on account of this snow. In fact Norwegians I believe get more enthusiastic during winters with their skii(s).

The kind of hospitality I’ve received so far is again euphoric and I indeed have several things to mention about. Usually the floor at my room gets so cold that it’s not possible to even stand on it and I didn’t have any slippers also in place, about which I mentioned to a colleague on Friday. On Monday before I could connect my laptop, I was presented with the warm woolen shoes by Kari. I came to know through her that these shoes are by the courtesy of Hilda. I was amazed to hear this because I don’t have anything to do with her except that we work in the same office and we even sit way apart. Somehow she got to know about the problem, she purchased these shoes especially for me. I was out of words about this enlivening experience, since she is not keeping well, I’ve still not been able to thank her. But while writing this blog, just today I realized that I could have at least called her up to ask about her health and thanked her for the same. Gosh! I shall do it tomorrow as the first activity.

Last Thursday I chopped my finger with knife, which let some 50ml blood ooze out of my finger. I kept sucking my finger whole night, pain was literally bad, and blood wasn’t stopping at all, after about 2 hours I even kept the finger inside the freezer to allow the blood to freeze, couldn’t even sleep whole night. But next morning the care and the concern shown by everyone was once again thrilling. A colleague (Bent) drove me all the way to office then to hospital then back to office and then to home inspite of the fact that, he was one of the key player in the delivery which was due in a few days and he was already short of time. Saturday I kept receiving the calls from colleagues, asking about the finger’s status. Another colleague who was on leave on Friday, showed a great amount of disappointment.

Simply overwhelmed.

For some pictures of lillehammer click here.

Paris to Oslo

(Contd. Bangalore to Paris)

The journey was more or less okayish except that it was really difficult to sleep on such a long duration flight. I remember how uncomfortable everyone around was as and when I woke up late nights and observed, the girl next seat was struggling with the blanket to let it embrace her from tip to toe and so was I.

It was around 2pm IST, the flight arrived here at Paris airport. Believe me Paris looks ecstatic at least from the top view. Wonderful Landscape, structured residential areas, beautiful curvy roads, greenish background and several lakes around. May be any place looks the same from within the plane window but the neatness & calmness portrayed by the landscape is worth the view and since the day was cloudy it looked even sexier. For a moment there was a flash on my memory of the olden days when a sadhu baba (usually local fortune tellers) looking at my palm said, "Tere haath mein videsh jaana nahin likha" (there's no line on my palm that would ever lead me to a foreign land) and then i smiled & looked outside again.

I had to spend some 4 hours on the airport, initially I thought its a good amount of time, may be I can easily go around the city for sometime but an immediate second thought suggested me to explore the fashion & beauty within airport's premises itself, the sole reason was the thought of my wallet factor (with just 160 Euros in pocket and the Visa card still inactive), it was not a wise step to go for.

Somehow reached the Terminal where I had to check in. Looked around for about decent 2 hours before taking a nap. The hairs of the people actually caught my attention, by the way they are the people working at the airport, the security personnels and of course the passengers included. The stylish hair cuts for which we pay a hefty amount back in India am sure people here manage to get it without any cut itself. The messier your hair structure, better is your style and its not just the language restricted to the young kids but applies to the people of all ages. Quite a fair deal, isn't it? But with all the observations, all I concluded at the end is 'Paris indeed is a fashion city'.

It was the time to check in, at the entrance a big English-men pointed me to several plastic bottles lying on a table, they all were half filled with some sort of liquid, either water or soda or some sort of wine. I actually couldn't understand what exactly was he trying to say and I just uttered a loud 'NO', he then let me inside, I still din't understand what exactly was that but he let me inside, what else matters!

Anyways that big rucksack was through the security check now and their gadget finally alarmed them of something unethical i was trying to carry inside. I know it was little scary & my breath was down to see a team of personnels rushing towards me. The bag was opened, they spread every damn thing out on the floor and there came two bottles which I had packed with extra care in plastic bags and then rolled them with the big cloth pieces. All of them pointed me to unfold the packs, i just kept following and there came two glass jars containing the Mango pickles (An Indian in Norway had actually requested me to bring two of those Priya Pickle bottles). I tried my level best to make them understand that its something that we eat with food but all in vain.
Result: Either leave the bottles with them or put them through the check-in. I din't want to leave those bottles hence followed back to the check-in counter. Soon as I put the rucksack (6kg) for check-in, the person here also warned me about the 22Kg(s) that I've already loaded at Bangalore, so whatever I check-in now is gonna be paid and that too in Euros! Well with a quick thought i decided to check-in the small shoulder bag with just two of those bottles, which weighed about 2kg(s) which should cost some 70 Euros.

Wow! pickles cost just 130 INR. and the transportation charges were approx 4000 INR. And when I asked the guy about the cost, he said, "Thats okay, You now need not pay anything" That was strange but in my favor of course, so theres nothing wrong :). One thing is clear that such cases do happen outside India also or may be my heavenly stars tussled with his and hipnotized him, no to charge anything from me. May be who knows! If such things happen in India, we could have easily related the incident to some or the other emotion that the person must have gone through but what should I relate this English-men with huh?

Alright, while trying to check in again, that English-men again pointed me to those half-filled liquid bottles, this time I decided to decrypt the mystery behind these bottles and followed my intuition, I thought may be we can pick up some of the bottles to carry inside the plane, I was thirsty by now, so I said 'Water Bottle! Give me one water bottle!', to which he replied, "No, No, its not allowed". It was then it clicked to me that the liquid is actually not allowed inside the plane, therefore, he was actually asking the passengers to leave their liquid bottles out on that table itself but by the time i understood, i noticed a few kids already making fun, about what? ... that I wasn't really sure!

Finally everything was through and I could actually board to the flight #2374 to Oslo.

How good are these online surveys?

That certainly means that I too got a digicam in my wardrobe. I never thought that I’ll do the research on the model of digicam after getting it purchased.

Alright, now I have an Olympus FE-170 model (also known as X-760) which I chose over all other brands & models on the display, solely for the reason that it was the cheapest available then but yes it did look good too. This camera looks very much like any other digicam(s) available in the market.

According to the Flickr survey done across a brand of cameras available in the market, this model ranks 17^th among the different models available within Olympus brand, which went some way to convince me that it wasn't a big mistake purchasing this one with the budget in hand.

There is also an exceptional growth seen in the user base of this camera over last year. The graph below should make this rather more clear.

FE170 Usage this year

no. of users

It so happened that I had to move to lillehammer next morning and my senior manager asked me to complete the basic shopping in Oslo itself coz Lillehammer is not a big or even a happening town. But since it is a small place, I anticipated better sight seeing there compared to the urbanized look at Oslo, hence, a digicam was quite inevitable in the pocket.

Since my Visa card was still inactive, therefore, this camera is by the courtesy of my manager again. That evening he picked me up to visit a shopping mall named “Lefdal”, which claims to sell the stuff the cheapest in Oslo, having found the price cheaper compared to them elsewhere, be sure to receive the 150% of the amount you pay for the item.

Cost of Camera - 1495 Kroners (10.5K INR)

256 MB memory card - 399 Kroners (2.8K INR)

Camera Cover - 99 Kroners (700 INR)

A total deal within 2000 Kroners (14K INR)

But many a times things aren't they way as they look. I went through several links finding about the model but most of the description were quite amateurish. Its was only after reading CNET's insider view, I understood how several of these surveys can actually be misguiding.

What CNET Says: FE180 is much better a choice with just a $30 differences between the models. Lets look over at the major differences.

1. While both are automated, the FE-180 uses Olympus's TruePic Turbo image processor. The FE-170's unbranded image processor is the main cause of its performance woes.

2. The camera takes 5.7 seconds from power-on to first shot and every shot thereafter suffers a wait of 4.8 seconds without flash. With the onboard flash enabled, that wait becomes an even-longer 5.5 seconds. Shutter lag was almost as painful, taking a full 1.3 seconds from shutter release to shot. These numbers are more than double when compared to FE-180, which offered a 1.6-second shot-to-shot time and a shutter lag of just 0.6 second.

3. While the FE-180 displayed very good white balance with tungsten lights, the FE-170's tungsten shots looked almost like old-time sepia prints.

4. Also FE180 comes with two rechargeable batteries and a wall charger against the alkaline batteries with 170.

Thus, the lesson to be learnt here is that sometimes spending a little extra can go a long way and never research on whatever you have done already, it only leads to disappointment. Had I purchased FE180, I'd have read the comparisons with its daughter versions, hence, disappointment is inevitable.

Bangalore to Paris

The gang of 'three' (Bhaisaab, Arushi & Rasika) came to drop me at Bangalore Airport. While obliging that last touch with everyone of them, all I felt and told myself was 'Alright, thats okay!' and it was for the first time while starting a journey I felt little emotional (also felt as if it was a little incomplete see-off!).

Next the 'International Departure' hall was ready to welcome me with a little wonderful experience ahead. Went to the Currency converter counter. Asked the guy to convert the 10000 INR to the Euros. In return all I got was 4 Notes (3 notes of 50, and a note of 10, in all 160 Euros). First of the smile I had about the experience am gonna have soon.

Further I was asked to pay approx. 9000 INR towards the luggage overweight (by 6kgs). 'OMG! Now theres' nobody around I can ask to take back some stuff home. Can't even throw anything just like that, don't have money either. What do I do?'

Then I realized the rucksack inside my suitcase could be carried to the cabin with a few more things & even my shoulder bag could easily accommodate inside it, did the same, weight still loosened only by 4kgs but the lady on the other side of the counter somehow relaxed rest 2kgs for me ... lol first surprise happened for the journey. But the penalty had to be paid and it came in terms of the surprising & astonishing looks of the other passengers, who must be thinking, "How the hell this guy gonna fit in this big huge rucksack inside the cabin"?

On top of that, the luggage space corresponding to my seat number was isolated, hence, extremely small to accommodate even half the size of my rucksack. And I was like, "Hell! What do I do now? "

Being little clever, I utilized the others' space (Seats 30-32, since they were attached) and my rucksack finally got away from the sad looks of the people but yes I ended up using others' space and soon I realized the sweet deadly looks of an Indian lady and an African guy, since neither of whom were sitting on any of those seats, hence I didn’t care about them at all.

Little later noticed the way the seat owner's were actually struggling to accommodate their luggage, I kept observing them, felt relaxed soon as they all got settled. As I started to bring my eyes back to normal, they gazed through the eyes of that Indian lady once again and the deadly looks were still on, this time I too didn’t try to avoid and decided to give back the equivalent looks back again, hence we kicked off a short n silent conversation:

She: "Yucks! What the hell, you cheapo!".
Me: "Shut up! Why the hell do you have to bother?"

Lol. I immediately decided to leave that state of conversation n get myself back to normal self again.

Wow! A great start to the journey!

Love or Devotion?

Important: Take it easy

There has been so much known in this world about love that one or two experiences or comments from a novice like me wouldn't even make sense. With my generation it has already been such a common phenomena that I wonder if its the same which people did a generation or two ago. It reminds me of an old song

"aapki nazron ne samjha, Pyaar ke kaabil Mujhe
Dil ki ae Dhadkan thahar ja Mil gayi Manzil mujhe"

Where are those bondings? Look around anywhere, so many people just trying to satisfy their personal egos on this front, which makes people like me little stubborn about getting into any such relationships & hence I've always forced myself not to give enough space to myself to find entangled in this web anymore.

But a human is after all human, how long can you fight with the laws of nature? There are times you also meet a person who looks to be so nice & comfortable that your hormonal structure is forced to get imbalanced. You actually feel like doing everything w.r.t. that person as if you would have done for the one just like as if you loved him/her, doesn't matter how stubborn or stern you are to this feeling.

Since we do not know or usually do not even try to know whether the feeling is exactly the love or something that looks very much similar to it but not love. Indian culture especially is so much obsessed with this feeling that we do not even bother to find if theres something that can exist beyond this brand called 'love', we therefore end up calling every damn emotional feeling as love, treating it as love and believing it as love and when this thread demands a permanent relationship it doesn't work out for most of us. And very easily then we end up saying that 'Love marriages aren't successful'!

It therefore, becomes immensely important for us to find out if this feeling is really the love or something which looks very similar to it but actually not love. But the whole big issue here is: Are we really mature enough to make judgments in the matters of love? And in case we are, what are the parameters against which we should evaluate the sensation of these emotional feelings?

I somehow discovered something of this sort very recently, yes I too liked a girl with no strings attached. After spending a considerable amount of time together, very much like a normal guy, weighing my principles on one side and the emotional turbulences on to the other, I realized that there's something that holds me close to this girl and it was then when I urged to find the real meaning of the strong affection I had developed. Was that love or a replica in course?

To ease out the comparison between the love and a replica of it, lets term it as devotion (funny part is that till date Wikipedia doesn't have any definition for this word & in Hindu mythology its just a synonymous for Bhakti, which am sure is little away from the sense I mean to use it for), for the simple reason that it sounds quite nice & decent, also this is the best word my vocab suggests me (it could be anything else, as long as the essence remains same). But then the boundary between this love & devotion is very mean. On top of that, with the culture & ambiance we live in today, it becomes even difficult to identify & justify whether do you love a person or just feel like devoted to.

How can one find if it is love or devotion?
Now defining love would mean like showing light to the other end of an infinite tunnel with a candle in hand. Let me try a bit with my small candle source itself (I have to, since the subject has already gained the momentum).
* Somehow I feel in love you feel like getting as close to each other as possible, applies to getting physically closer as well.
* You feel like participating in every possible chores of the person you find hooked to, within or out of reach, doesn't matter.
* You also feel like consulting & getting consulted for every damn small thing in life which wouldn't mean/ matter anything to anybody else besides both of you.
* At the end of the day, all you want is the company of the person that you believe you love.
* To express & getting expressed about yourself in due course of time from each other is something inevitable.
And several things like that which am sure wouldn't need any mean explanation from my side.

Devotion I felt comes, when the source of attachment is something very sharp & focussed (very much away from the dynamics of love in its fundamentals, couldn't be termed on the basis of parameters like beauty, smile, closeness etc. etc.). This source could be as simple as some sort of sympathy towards that person for just one very very small reason, which wouldn't even find a ground to stand if talked about it to someone even by chance.

And when you feel like devoted all that matters is that person's agony & presence to you. It also doesn't matter if that person really appreciates you/ your devotion at all or not. You believe in doing some sort of Karma & feel like hooked to even if he/ she remains or tries to detach from you or for that matter remains involved with somebody else.

I believe its just a language of admiration which doesn't need any appreciations but attention and not even attention many a times. Importantly, like love it also doesn't end even if the bond weakens but unlike love it usually doesn't makes you negative about the person even with worst of the understandings. Here too a feeling that could hurt most of the times is the ignorance from the person. Here too expectations, fear & disappointment makes a very much an cyclic part of the relationship that you share, which is potentially stronger enough to bring your energy levels down to the minimum that you can ever expect.

And all this has definitely taught me something vital but thats my understanding of the things, everyone has to go through this process to be able to derive out this learning ... But I know even if I say all this, it will still repeat, I'll still admire people, I'll still long for closeness, I'll still find sympathetic and may be devoted again, an irony indeed!

I also know whatever remains the matter of the subject, it can never be perfect, can never be sufficient & can never be absolute but still ...

Parzania

Parzania is the non-shoutable pain, unforgettable embedded memories, the love, mapped to a movie, which leaves one sinking with those forgotten thoughts once again.

This is one of the most sensible movies I've seen today, the time is approx 1:30 a.m. and I find myself highly impulsive to write something about it. This is after about 2 years it feels this good about watching a movie, last time it was with Black. Another recent attempt by Nagesh Kukunoor with Dor did enthuse but today's one left the emotions churned thoroughly once again.

It feels so different looking at this, manifestation of leading such a wonderful life with whatever little troubles that we have. I actually feel like giving 10/10 to the director (Rahul Dholakia) for whatever attempt he has made. How troublesome the situations can be, never can be imagined, am sure every normal man with some or the other pain should watch the movie and weigh themselves, if they really have a big problem that can't be undone.

Parzania is shot from the perspective of a middle class, matured, sensible family man/ woman and is inspired by a true incident. Complete narration is in English, although it takes that naturality away which would have come with Hindi, yet it marks the deep impression on mind. I can simply validate coz I could see most of the females around caressing their eyes from time to time, nevertheless, rasika, supriya along with me were no exception in this case.

Central focus of the movie remains the heart wrenching, tragic massacre executed in Gujarat by the Hindus, when all the Hindu(s) flocked together to weigh Muslims on the embarrassment side, butchered them none like the animals. But the series of events that could have led to this big event doesn't seem to be powerful, from the viewer's perspective, although this could be interpreted in a way that the director wanted to keep the melodramatic content away to retain the reality factor and wanted to focus more on to the aftermaths of the event.

Star cast comprises of legendary actor Mr. Naseeruddin Shah a very old time actress Sarika. I've seen her in earlier movies but never ever thought that she could be this good at acting. I somehow feel like she should receive some award for this act and for her exemplary dialogue delivery, which is simply outstanding. Naseeruddin Shah is no way less but am sure Sarika did much better than anybody in the Queue.

There were two flaws I could easily make out, which I believe, should have been made out by any normal person, which makes me think if this movie entered our subcontinent really came after screening all over the globe.

The movie is shot around the Ahmedabad region in Gujarat. A scene captured an auto with CNG written, although am not sure if CNG has already entered Gujarat region, all I know it's still the story of Delhi, am sure this suddenly makes one feel that the movie is still a movie and shot in some local grounds.

In the other scene, when Mr. N. Shah is trying to untangle the dead bodies to confirm if the dead body with the red T-shirt reflects his son only or not. The whole scene looks seriously devastating and scares the weak hearts, the way dead bodies are lying, their burn marks punches several needles at a time through one's heart. In this scene, while he untangles the boy's face, the other boy lying besides has his eyebrows shaking (and its pretty much notable!), which in a fraction of the moment takes away that disappointment, the pain that everyone in the room carries. I personally felt relieved within a moment and came out of the reality that was simulated within my mind. After all its just the acting the makeup is all I thought that moment.

Anyway these are just simple observations, which are really insignificant against the courageous direction that the director has done.

This is a must see, even for those who avoid movies with blood, massacre and all such ingredients. Reality must be seen!