How can writing help in self healing?

Lately, with an internet connection up in my room, writing is something keeping me busy more than anything else. Keying in infinite combination of words within a couple of hours is a routine activity now but to derive out the satisfaction out of what I write is still a rare phenomenon. A few observations that I made during this process are:

1। Almost every time, composition din't come out the way I wanted it to be.

2. Many times I had a strong urge to write on a defined subject with lots of related threads in mind but soon as I gained the posture, mind just went blank & couldn't find anything structured to be written.

3. Out of whatever I write, its only 10% of all write-ups that I feel okayish about & give me sense of satisfaction.

4. Many times when I failed to articulate a subject appropriately, this definitely created some sort of restlessness and made me feel little aggravated.

Nevertheless, it’s an activity in isolation with nobody to comment/remark upon and there is nobody who is interrupting me as well (given that I write in isolation), then why do these patterns emerge at all? Does leaving someone irritated solely for not been able to write perfectly makes any sense? Neither it’s a competition nor a matter of recognition then where does this irritation finds it room to come in?

This suggests that the presence of irritation surely hints to something, something on a microscopic level. Now what remains unexplored is that something!

First of all not many people come to writing but the ones who do should ask themselves if it is by any chance an emotional outlet for them?

If the writing is meant to release your emotions or better to say to give a direction/channel to the emotions & feelings within your self, then I find convinced that getting irritated is no way unjustified. Playing with your emotions and feelings always directly/indirectly always creates some sort of chaos within the self.

Very simple, consider computer memory, it can be referenced either directly with the help of normal data-type variables or indirectly with the help of pointers (Now everyone knows how complex pointers are!). Similarly your emotions can be referenced indirectly with the help of writing, very much like pointers. You go little careless about them, they ensure to bring worst of the behavior on screen. It’s a kind of miniature simulation of human behavior.

Therefore, writing to express is as important as talking to somebody, listening to someone, visiting a hill station to chill out, hanging around a nearby pub or going out to a concert for a change. Doesn't this hint that writing is actually a means to heal oneself as well?

I believe it does! I also believe introverts cling more towards writing to release their emotions. Since I'm getting more n more comfortable with writing, it also is validating the fact for my own self that I am an introvert too. Cool! How easy it is to identify your own self with the arts of life!

Therefore, it is important to learn to be able to write effectively, compose it elegantly and articulate it appropriately. And whenever you experience that the composition is not coming the way you want, it may mean one of the following:

1.1. There are collisions happening among the thoughts to find preference.

1.2. You are not letting yourself free to write.

It is really important to learn here that grammar & punctuation mistakes shouldn't be looked after with a serious mood. It’s okay even if we have some, until you find it comfortable to read.

1.3. Emotions are still finding difficult to come in print. Let your mind loose & allow heart to take the complete control of the situation. Probably you are targeting a specific audience, forget that for a moment and think about those who would like to see this articulation.

You don't have to be an experienced or eloquent writer to get the self-healing benefits that the writing has to offer. The beauty of writing as a form of self healing is that it leaves no one offended. Self healing stems from honesty and expression of emotions and if you censor yourself while you write, the healing doesn't come out of the process. Style of writing also doesn't matter, it should just be written with single aim in mind - "to express honestly".

But why the strong urge doesn't lead to anything sometimes, certainly confuse me so much still!

To get best out of writing as a healing practice, I follow few of these ways.

1. Read your article continuously after every paragraph been written from top to bottom. Read slowly but loudly in a single go (making sure nobody is around to get disturbed). Don't know what's the science behind it but yes it certainly helps to a great deal.

2. Once the write up is complete as per the intuition, editing at last is certainly a good idea. The amusing aspect here is that the composition usually gets doubled or more than the original size under this process. Be open to add more feelings and jumble up the paragraphs completely up or down.

3. Giving a final reading to the write-up coming after a decent break of hours or a day if possible. Longer the break better it is!

I'm sure writing has the capacity to heal one's mind, heart & soul. I've seen it happening it with me and it’s much better a way than any other. Much better because eventually one has to heal his/her within self & its only through writing you express every tiny emotion and yet remain in the safest hands, that’s yours!

People who do not want to be open to others surely find it a wonderful means. That is only why I said, introverts are better at this than the others.

Disclaimer: I am not a writer by trade and therefore, cannot attest to the facts that I have mentioned above. To get any attestation done, either you need a professional help or at best just follow your intuition. Forgetting anything been mentioned here can also help one in writing to a great deal.

24X7, Services ... are they keywords to ...?

Heard about it, thought about it but in real didn’t ever feel much about it but when I sensed it around, surely wasn't ready to accept, for the simple fact that its’ not expected to encounter ‘this’ so early in life that too at an age full of energy, enthusiasm & the vibrations of several sorts.

But what persists will eventually be discovered and then you realize that it has actually creeped in already without any sign, there is nothing much that you can now do about it. It’s there now, accept it or not but its there!

This is something which has been best known for giving company to the retired, old age people. Of course if it comes to a person in his early twenties its' meant to be resisted. I too did it, likewise does any human but now I explore that ‘this something’ is becoming quite a norm and getting prominent by every day & hour, no more it has got only to do with the aged but young once are sweetly embraced by it too.

Since this ‘this something’ is a mute societal phenomenon today, there must be something responsible for it too. With lots of observations, comparisons & contrasts, there are two things that took my attention away; seem to bring in this societal transform.

Two magic words “24x7” and “services”, so simple, so overwhelming, so elegant & yes highly fascinating as a consumer/user; but I see them weaving a thick web around us. Digg a bit deeper, they seem to have embraced our complete society. I’m sure no resident of a cosmopolitan city like Bangalore can ever deny the fact that they are the prime factors for the paradigm shift in the societal behavior, consumer expectations, organizational functioning, rationalism etc.

Buzzwords, our country has welcomed warmly, whole heartedly & accepted with high regard simply finding them the basic ingredients that makes the better countries actually better, we have had absolutely no offense for the same but in bits and pieces.

And these words were actually loaded with wonderful gains like exceptional monetary benefits at an early age, world class infrastructure & dynamism at work etc. hence gaining a ground on the soil of an aspiring country like ours was never a big deal. All they demanded in turn is the complete soul involvement in the high pressure work, which too wasn’t any issue through any angle, given that we still lead this world in terms of population.

Hold on! Even though, we have local yet global facilities at our toes, fat pockets and several groomed bodies around, this something is yet making its foot stronger in one's life.

What’s this ‘this something’ that has plugged in our lives so seamlessly? What it actually is which has been the subject of this whole contemplation?

24x7, and services ... are they the keywords to loneliness?

Flights of Fantasy!

Its no fantasized name for a yet another blog entry but the name of the "Sangeet Samaroh" (Music Concert) been conducted last weekend at Chowdiah Memorial Hall Bangalore. The event which I happened to visit quite accidentally and of course fortunately enough as well.

The concert was essentially segregated into two sessions:

1. Classical Vocals by Pandit Ulhas Kashalkar and his group.
2. Santoor Vaadan by Maestro Pt. Shiv Kumar Sharma & associate Table Master.

Being a very much novice in classical music much of the "ras" or the "anand" that the music lovers I could see relishing, surely remained a miss to me, yet I'm astounded, stunned and wordless to explain the elements of joy that were felt within.

The very first thing that took us with surprise was the Hindi narration by the speaker, so clear, peaceful and pleasing. The voice itself had the element of respect towards the artists and audience. I say it as a surprise simply coz English today has replaced every part of speech in our culture, the soothing effect that the unexpected Hindi narration had on our ears was in itself a treat, reflecting a direction towards the quick small preparation that audience needed to get hold of something about to come in the following moments to reflect very much the Indian culture.

It was first of the Live Music concert I ever visited, a classical one on top of that; agitation had already started in the mind with the collisions of the reactions I'd reserved about such concerts from the people earlier but still was prepared enough to hold back through the session.

"Chor chori se jaye, hera pheri se nahin!" (Thief can discontinue stealing but not with its habits), like many software pro(s), am sure anything new we encounter interpretation in terms of it is indispensable. Quite subconsciously my mind started reacting to give a comparison graph between the "coordination among the artists" with the "systems & processes" in our industry, no idea how naive do I sound but yes I did the same. It suddenly flashed a memory of mine visiting the "Career" section of a startup org, where these guys were talking about their team to be as a band of musicians and how they wanted a few more drummers, proficient in .NET technologies!

Anyways, the hall was jam-packed with hundreds of people with the age ranging from 3 years old kid to 90+ years' old gentle men & women, constituting the four different generations in present tense, whereas middle-age dominated the crowd. Both the sessions were remarkable in their own respect and standards, audience whether a novice like me or the ardent music devotee both were engulfed into the magic of vibrations that traversed through the room to the hundreds of ear-drums. Rounds of applause even seemed to be minuscule but the only means to appreciating the enchantment around.

I find myself highly pleased, hence couldn't stop researching about the people whom I heard last weekend (seems like last night though), people who were treated like human forms of the God & documenting about them looks to me the best way to appreciate the mute spiritual endowment I've had from these artists. Little compilation about the artists for a better insight;

Pandit Ulhas Kashalkar:

Pandit Kashalkar started his music initials from his father Shri N.D.Kashalkar for whom music was a hobby. Then he became the disciple of Ram Marathe (an exponent of Agra Gharana), he then won a Gold medal in M.Music. Gajananbhuwa Joshi however remains as his real mentor.

Ulhas Kashalkar started his career as a Programme Executive in All India Radio (AIR), Thane, near Mumbai. He later came to Kolkata to join the ITC Sangeet Research Academy (ITC-SRA) as a guru in 1993. He has trained a number of scholars at the Academy. Even today he is one of the most sought-after gurus at the ITC Sangeet Research Academy.

The sensitive and committed listener who wishes today to experience minute subtleties of alaapi, intricacies of laykari and fiery taankari will inevitably have to turn to Pandit Ulhas Kashalkar. There are still those who insist on traditional fare in this age of instant food, those who refuse to dilute their taste and wander about in search of the real thing. To such people - who demand music which is traditional and authentic - Ulhasji's concert is like a joyous festival. How well-etched, how clearly delineated, how neat and attractive his music is!

It is like a beautiful feminine form, adorned in a beautiful sari, with not a hair out of place: it is not unkempt, dishelved, not untidy and disorganized. There are no unnecessary leaps from one note to another, no lingering over the taar shadjas, no indulgence in misplaced taan.

Words of the Speaker: "When Bill Clinton came to India & visited Agra, he stated that the world can be easily divided into two halves, one who have not seen the beauty of the Taj Mahal & the other one who have enjoyed its absolute splendor. Very similarly world can actually be divided into two halves, one who have had the chance to listen to the Vocals of Pt. Ulhas Kashalkar and the other one who have missed it."

Pandit Shiv Kumar Sharma:

I actually felt sorry about myself being unaware about such a persona earlier. As soon as he was introduced, I could recognize his face, as seen on TV, newspapers or through some advertisements many a times.

As the speaker said, "An artist is known by the instrument he plays but there have been only two artists who have given life to the instruments. One such artist is Late Shri Bismillah Khan, who brought Shehnai to the living form, the other is Pt. Shiv Kumar Sharma who brought Santoor on par with other instruments in the classical category and took it to the International standards".

When he started playing Santoor, it looked very normal an instrument & the art of playing it both, slowly and gradually he picked up the pace, eventually the synchronization between the pace of his hand, the melody created and the tabla artist was no less than an incredible & simply a treat for the audience, and when we looked at our watches we realized that he played one whole session for about one & half hour at a single stretch. Audience was so much overwhelmed that applauses weren't coming to hold, it seemed as if there has been a big session on hand clapping(s) as well.

Now I'm back from the concert but still the vibes of it are still emanating from within.

Reverse Living

They say that you learn every moment in this life. Of course, may be, but its only very few moments that you recognize them to be in the same context.

Just a few days back, I've had an experience, experience which I heard, thought, imagined couple of times through media only. The experience am sure isn't worth posting here but indeed its' a corporate experience, something which most of us will take and percieve as bad experience. Bad because it was not so good or pleasing at its first instance, it led me through several frustration levels every moment after that and torturing me whenever i thought of it.

It took a couple of days to overcome the negative vibes I was generating out of me for sometime.
Yesterday, very early morning, while I was still in my trans state, a couple of thoughts floated across mind & I actually started calculating about what all have I achieved or done in these 20+ days after having the so called bad experience? Rather what has actually helped me to come out of this situation better unlike before?

1. Purchasing a Bike.
What a frustrated mind said ::
What the hell? Why do I need the bike at all now? Do I really need it now? Am sure even if I go for it after about a month or two, that should also be okay! Man save some money, you never know how it may help you!
Not-so-frustrated-Mind ::
Why the hell do I've to postpone my personal activities on grounds of an experience very much unrelated? Would have I thought of postponing this decision in normal circumstances? If not then why do I have to behave as if circumstances aren't normal, they actually depend upon how do I percieve the situation to be! Why to build an external pressure when the internal one is already on its peak?
Listening to not-so-frustrated-mind I actually accelerated the process of procuring the bike. My prior dealer promised me to deliver the bike in 15 days and then I decided to go with the dealer who can get me the one immediately, now I've the bike, got it delievered in next 4 days of my decision :-).

2. Daily Outings.
Frustrated Mind ::
What! you'll do outings now? That too daily? Insane! You don't go for outings even on weekends! No! you should rather focus yourself, make new plans, study more and try for better job prospects, change your workplace etc etc.
Not-so-frustrated-Mind ::
Chill yaar. Why don't you find out why do many people go for outings to get relaxed? Lets try this at least once. Focus & study of course but don't be too calculative on time management, whatever you do, do it with relaxation. Who knows, daily relaxation might help you overcome daily burnout a bit & stop you to accumulate all of it.
Since my bike has come I've made it a habit to go outside in the evenings, however pressure, or targetted tasks I have pending for the day. I remember after 7.00 pm i'm never home, and my roomies have an impression that I've been working late nights in the office ;-).

3. Dining out.
Frustrated Mind ::
Now this is height, What doesn that mean btw? What does dining out has to do with your problem? I mean you eat at home normally, then why not behave normally? Why do you want to put fire to your so meagre an amount that you have for your survival for the rest of the month? You are intelligent & literate enough, I don't think it really makes any sense, now decide yourself.
Not-so-frustrated-Mind ::
First chill. Changing lifestyle once in a while doesn't make it worse. Doing general things differently sometimes take you away from your mind's virtual web of thoughts. Dining out is just a way to come out of normal routine activities. Why not just try out something randomly for fun, don't worry your financial state wouldn't be affected too much.
Fortunately our LPG cylinder too, went empty and it actually became a necessity for dining out, What a timing and on top of that it took about 10 days to get the refill delivered at home. Although its a different story that I dined out with a friend to make it even fulfilling.

4. Spending time with a friend.
Frustrated Mind ::
You need somebody to spend time in itself shows that you are weak. The essence of this very act represnts that you are frustrated. And you very well know, you've never liked being with any one for that matter in such times, you've rather always preferred being alone! Why don't you be at your natural self?
Not-so-frustrated-Mind ::
Whatever you've been doing so far, who guarantees that its the perfect way of doing things? Lets see! When you've been trying so many different things, why not start a new relationship as well? This time don't be so skeptical, do not think much. Try listening & understanding more, rememer everyone is a human first. Btw what good will you achieve being alone as well?

5. Last but not the least.
Take immediate steps on whatever gyan I collect on weekends, now thats a secret!

"Is it really worth blaming whole organization for an experience I had with a single individual?"
I actually made my mind to leave my organization on grounds of this experience, but now it again seems to be good with this new perspective.
What good will I achieve being dishonest to the organization? Isn't it a learning in a way to make myself better & avoid any such circumstances further? Be emotional but on the same hand remain aware of corporate dynamics as well. No doubt this is what is known as experience!

The concept of living in a reverse manner to counter such troubles is another learning in itself. Which am sure is no small in itself.

Questioning

This write-up dates back to March. Left it unfinished then but one simple question let me dig out the similar expressions once again.

It’s not the explanation of now or the version of then but the story of every now & then, every such time when one find himself getting entwined into the jumble of so many questions within oneself, am sure even over the limit that one’s mind can sometimes handle and it gets even viciously infecting while questioning the eternity too much.

Should we do questioning at all in the first place?

What nonsense! Questioning has always been an answer to explore all the uncultivated zones.

If so, is there any limit to questioning? If it is there, then how much? But does limitation to questioning makes at all sense? If it should then for whom? But why it should only for few? Why not for many others as well?

Hmmm! So many questions over & over again!

Few days, its getting just again, mind cluttered, heart mute that it immediately leaves me sinking, thinking how integrated actually Questioning is to the human mind! And all I could infer with whatever has been apparent to me is that it should be associated with mind since the time a single mind got into the state of pure consciousness.

While I was just trying to think it over, in the middle, a random question again disturbed the course asking me, why do sometimes some people think too much? Am saying so coz I’ve been hearing such recurring comments from friends, family or near & dear ones for that matter for me also, I sub-consciously seems to have now developed a feeling that I also think beyond a limit at times. Am sure when it goes to thinking, positive & negative thoughts, both find the equal place within. Even though I try not to think this much, certainly am a failure yet again. I also believe that too much of thinking takes the innocence away. But don’t know what to actually do? So Mr. me is quite helpless!

In fact every thing that doesn’t go the way I want makes this thought process even worse. Inability to make things work as the way I want, creates desperation, and this desperation leads to restlessness, which ultimately leads to the creation of negative thoughts, in such a state of mind, one tends to release a lot of energy which usually comes out through some destructive manner, may be that’s the only way to release a chunk at one stretch.

It was very recently, I also realized that the absence of certain types of amusements in life actually leads to destructive thinking. Most of the time they can’t even be traced out unless one follows through true introspection techniques, which I also do not know, what are they! But I believe there should surely be some structured way existent to introspect oneself, May be a Psychiatrist can help on this!

While dealing with these vibrations, few more which have persistently getting into the gloves are:

Why are we, as we are? Why do we have so many urges? Why are we not as balanced as the nature is? Why do we have an urge to be something? Why can't we expect ourselves as being nothing? Why actually do we have to be anything? Do we really feel that someone else can answer to this?

May be Yes or May be No.

Am sure such questions prompt everyone to think more, the best and the biggest one can.

But may be it doesn't matter. Its because we already know, we know the answers ourselves in the things we say or in the things we feel or in the things we don't say or may be in the things we do not feel. May be because we do not care to know what we say, what we feel or what we don't say or what we do not feel.

What have we been talking about? What have we been complaining about? Look around yourself and the fact you encounter is that we are unhappy. About the self and nothing else!

Don't you see how selfish have we been?

We choose a career, not for good we could accomplish but for the personal happiness we expected to find out of it. Then we argue, that "I really wanted to do that" and that is where questioning stops. May be because we thought we’d be good and virtuous doing it.

Sometime hence that “really wanted” thing becomes “quite really not wanted”. Questioning thus becomes apparent, same desperation, restlessness pops up again and this is a never ending process.

It was while walking to the office one fine morning; I stopped up to read “Thought of the day” on the notice board which went like:

“I’ve given up my life to become what I am today, is it worth it?”

I couldn’t answer. Honestly!

And a pool of questions sorrounds me once again.

Tears [:'(]

Shedding tears embarrasses me so much that when I was a child, I tried very hard not to cry, not to cry for any reason, under any circumstance, especially after it is done, everyone seem to look at you so differently, gosh! Eventually try as I might, the tears refused to come on. Never been sure as to how important it was to shed few of them, of course in the first place we are never taught by anyone to do so at all.

Despite the occasional aberration, my life never gave me much reasons for bringing out these water droplets so easily coz I knew I had the tenderness, capacity and enough will power. Now the question actually comes to mind is, why the hell actually have I chosen a subject like this?

If am actually happy and have no reason to drop even a lone drop of it, why suddenly in between of these technical and general happiness possessions, am I talking about these so sophisticated tiny droplets called tears?

Hmmm. One reason I find is that this way I make this blog more and more unpredictable, which creates a decent curiosity in heart to come back again to this place, another one is not any reason though but a thought that I entered into this territory just to nurture my habits of writing and am trying to make decent efforts to be more regular than as ever.

Still to this subject of tears I would say that it was actually very recently, I realized that it actually doesn't take much to bring them on. Am sure if am saying, I must have had some reason & instance in the same sense.

Sometimes, there actually is no real problem but a blunt moment is enough to press that panic button and it is like that the floodgates gets open such that they can't be shut again. I count it also a kind of weakness in itself, which makes myself feel ashamed of, irked by my inability to control those tears. It seems that true empowerment and emancipation would come only when one could not only stop them but also control them in any undesirable situations as well and indeed I crave for this to happen & have made sure now not to make it happen. Lets see!

I also believe that there is only a finite pool of tears that everyone has. Am sure that every moment & every different feeling in this so called existence of life is strong enough to bring this pool out of oneself, if hurt badly. As there's a limit to everything in this universe, there's a limit to tears as well. The panic button which loosens the control sometimes does the opposite as well. And when it happens, every pore of me aches to sob the pain away but I just cannot do it anymore.

Heart's once deepest desire comes to hold true. It is one of those ill conceived desires which once fulfilled cannot be undone.

MoMo Bangalore - First meet Identified

19^th June 2006, third Monday of June, remains the date when several individuals flocked together to build a community & Bangalore welcomed Mobile Monday (MoMo) chapter. So much I knew about the initial virtual response, number of attendees was well above expectations, number in sync with the date of release, yes its 19! Does say a lot about the beginning of the chapter!

MoMo (Mobile Monday) Bangalore has been reinstated in India by the two budding entrepreneurs out of Indian Silicon Valley, namely Rajiv Poddar (alias Rajiv) & Thiagrajan (alias Rajan). Fundamentally its an international community of Mobile enthusiasts with its chapters all across the globe today. Bangalore chapter marks the entry of MoMo to India.

The only eligibility to be the part of MoMo is the interest & enthusiasm to be the part of a young community, which tends to explore the mobile mania, opportunities and the trends that could be encountered in India. Am sure this still remains as quite microscopic vision for the group as of now. Expect to catch the more of it with time.

I for that matter found these people following through their blogs & eventually got to know about their plans to roll out the MoMo Bangalore chapter following soon. It was indeed a subject of enthusiasm for me, for the simple reason that it was a big break after the college that I found myself into any such activity. But still I had few apprehensions in mind in being the part of the group having to have the complete disproportion in the nature of my work or domain.

I believe professionally I was the youngest limb present there, which I could make out through the three rounds of introduction spanning throughout the session. Most of the entries went to the startup boys like Rajiv (Tantra Tele), Rajan (Advetta), Karthik Jain (PicSquare), Pooran Prasad (Zealous), Parvez Ahmed (Techno Clean), Vishal & Vivek (Design Tree). And the rest was the mix of independent consultants & the developers working across several organizations. But going further, the idea is to outline more of the startups, VCs, Academicians & enthusiasts at any level always.

Unlike the informal entry to the event, it progressed in much of a formally informal manner, starting with the presentation, enlightening the background of MoMo. Since it was the inaugural meet, no agenda or plan was actually in place; Rajiv anyway kept the liveliness to the session with a talk on “Trends following the Mobile TV”, which was further followed by several doubts, apprehensions, questions & suggestions from the listeners. All in all it was a treat to be among such an enthusiastic crowd.

I certainly am waiting for the next meet to happen, hope to catch up with more new faces and higher level of knowledge sharing.

How one can join this Bangalore chapter. For that matter, as a first step, you can to get into the Yahoogroups which has been dishing out a decent number of mails to the inbox now. Thus, any apprehensions, problems, ideas and suggestions can always be thrown out in this dynamic forum, be assured, if nobody replies, Rajiv/ Rajan will certainly take care of any random statement you make & I’ll always enjoy looking at that .

Getting in touch with Rajiv/ Rajan in person is not a bad idea either.

Other links related to MoMo Bangalore

1. Rajan’s Blog
2. Rajiv’s Blog

Embarassment made rhyme!

Enough are not the colors to shower
enough are not the words to pray
remembering that half-moonlight street-walk
when she still asked me to say

Gifted with a guilty feeling
No reasons indeed to lay
I knew I've missed a moment
feeling everything blue black grey!

Hollow emotions all around
With dull dead matter and no sound
she heard some rambling
though my heart was mute
there stood my true pal
being calm & cute

Just one emotion
heart said going north
hold close her true soul
Share all the warmth.

Lol. What a disconnect form the usual blogging. It was like this, in my school days, I found interest in rhymes, therefore, I started copying down the good rhymes that I found in TOI Editorial page. Since then, i too tried composing few and could actually do whenever I felt a strong urge. Now this one refers to 10 Dec '05 I was on an outing to Shivanasamudram waterfalls with few colleagues & it was Shikha's B'day as well, on the way shailendra even hinted it to me but I couldn't find a suitable time and finally forgot to wish her at all. On the way back to Bangalore, we all had our dinner at some road side restaurant, finished the dinner and started walking back to the bus, We both were walking together, when she said, "Bevkoof kam se kam ab tou wish kar de mujhe [Stupid, at least now wish me my B'day]".

Hmmmmmmmmmmm. and there I was deep down in the ocean of embarassment. Managed to say something the way I knew i din't even want to but actually the time was lost.

After coming back to home I felt like writing something, something which I never ever shared with anyone not even her. After about 6 months I found this piece of paper in one folder of my machine and a random thought provoked me to add few different colors to my blog.

Lifecycle of a thought!

It was yet another day and a yet another moment when I was entangled in the web of my own grey matter.

Whatever we talk, whatever we discuss, whatever we blame onto each other, the fact is, a person is important in relation to other person, in their usefulness, in the service they render to each other. Unless we understand that completely, we can expect nothing but one sort of misery or another.

How difficult it is to discuss the things when our entire language is the language of individualism.

We choose the people for our comfort and we call them friends. When we call them something, we also tend to associate them with the properties that this generic term has been idealized with. What we subconsciously do not want to accept is when these friends come; they bring their own World View (individuality) along. Every one of them strong enough to challenge every other one! If we also consider the fact that one meets mostly with the people of its own age group, then each world view happens to have the approx. the similar lifetime. As many friends that many world views!

But let us say my world view finds comfortable with another one’s. Can then it be assumed that this relationship will always result in happiness? Now the very definition of this worldview needs a serious insight.

Let us say I like eating ice-cream in the evening, this could fundamentally be termed as a simple thought or belief. Since this very thought was completely in my possession and it was never ever important to discuss it with anyone, this thought initially being in the rented room shifts the base to a permanent room. Now whenever I met this thought and shook my hand, I found this thought to be running very fine with its present state of health. And thus, this thought kept practicing its course whenever it was required to do so and it easily becomes my companion, I term them as buddy. And we already know by theory that a companion is someone who is frequently in the company of another. And the bond with this mere thought gets so strong that to resist this thought always results in pain. Now let us imagine the number of thoughts that would have actually passed through our mind at least once even, I believe that should not be less than something a scary figure. Since we already possess so many close buddies in our mind, they collectively determine the analysis that we do everyday as objectively as possible. These buddies make you feel comfortable sometimes and sometimes they just ditch you like anything. So basically if we see, they form a world within ourselves, which can easily be called as one’s individuality or the world view.

When this individuality is strongly governing us, isn’t it necessary to bring in the harmony among them and stop trying to blame each other in this so much of the virtual world. Isn’t it really necessary to nurture these thoughts in a flexible manner, so that the collisions with other’s world views can be absorbed with great effectiveness?

Am sure even though we understand the simplest of this logic behind we still will have relationships assisting misery and delight. We still will have fear and expectations, we still will have disappointments of life, we still will have incompatibility with others and we still will have this vicious circle of relationships. But can’t this thought itself be removed which connects a relationship with the misery at all?

This certainly gives a faintest of idea towards the truthness of the saying; One who knows himself knows everything.

Bachelor's Cry.

It was my Delivery Unit Management meeting where the Performance and the Project bonus issues were to be addressed to the team. Presentations were going on though I was already occupied with some of my own mess in mind, although I realized it very much but never expected the senior manager to make a note of it first and second to speak to me about it.

Everybody was told how much amount they should be expecting by the end of the month. Everyone listened into the thick contentment while I just traced through all the faces, there was an attentive silence in the audience, a man busy tilting the pen he’s holding in different possible directions, someone involved deeply in plucking the tiny hairs on his chin, few others stretched out as if out of fatigue, how involved were they in the figures shown on the board! For an instance I wondered how greedy everyone in that room was. But a moment later realized that some of them must be thinking of paying the installment of the home loan which they missed for last two months; another one to afford a scooty for his daughter that she's been demanding for about six months now, may be the construction pending in the house could materialize with this money.

Actually, they all might feel more responsible towards their commitments than I am, so it could still be justified, a state of mind understood best only under the same conditions.

Meeting ended, Senior Manager walked off the room, I followed her, leaving all the fuss over the figures that everyone just saw on the board, quite preoccupied in my own world, opened the door to take the staircases, realized Senior Manager standing and looking for something. Didn’t really bother & continued on my own way. And suddenly I heard:

"Are you Okay Piyush?” she asked noticing my disinterest.

"Indeed, am okay"

"You seemed to be quite serious during the meeting, is everything alright?”

For a moment I thought of blasting her for firing over a team member, practicing her hierarchical power on him but something just kept me away from getting into any conversation then.

"Yes am upset", I replied.

I know anyone would react to such an answer, thus, following my expectations she asked,

"Is everybody alright at home?"

"Yes"

"But you said earlier you don't have a girl"

Cool! How simple and direct an approach can be sometimes to a problem? Though it was intended for fun but I knew how correct she was. Smile on my face, ubiquitous behavior towards her made her comfortable and she forwarded to her cabin but her response left an inquisitive expression on my mind. Surprisingly, there was a girl on my mind quite unusually but yes indeed a girl.

A statement said in passing stroke through all the chords of my heart, sublimed the rigidness of thoughts for few moments again. But still there’s something that made me think which is still not able to get defined perfectly in words. May be I just was seeking the answer to the question, “Can the reason for a bachelor to be upset only are Girls?”

Don’t know but something is still there that am thinking, still trying to define in words.

What is this Basic Woman?

One of my persistent fantasies used to be of sitting in the cafeteria or at the pavement shoppe in campus, almost everytime I'd be thinking stories or the philosophical treatise. I'd raise my eyes to watch the girls going by. I do same from time to time on the street leading to the theatre, amusement parks or even at the fantasy malls.

Certainly apart from the gals, married couples too become an attraction, cuddling each other, immersed in each other's soul, involved very much into their own hypothetical world. I particularly look at the woman. They all are not glamorous, not each one is Marilyn Monroes or Madhubala for that matter. Some pretty, some average, some no doubt just simple. Every other is own their way to the theatre, a concert, a get together or a workshop, may give you a conclusion that they are above average in the cultural literacy but in other respects they are like most - Just Average.

But to the man whose arm she is holding, she is not "Average" but a whole world to him.

As Lord said "It is not got for men to be alone, I'll make a helper fit for him, So made he a woman!"

He doesn't say that he made a pretty, witty or any kind an adjective woman, instead a basic woman.

Now a million Dollar question: Why this Basic woman is so valuable to man?

Three things.

First, She serves the man's needs to be needed.
In this cold world if no one needs you, what good are actually you? Employers, Scholars, readers, patients may say they need you but in such relationship you are always replaceable at some price. To this woman you are not replaceable, for this woman you are just one and no material in this world can ever be as important as you, which gives the man a self-esteem & energy to meet this apathetic world everyday.

Secondly she's a warm body in bed.
I don't refer to the sexual activity which indeed is important but referring to something even more primitive, something more important, more basic "Human Touch".
A baby crying in its crib doesn't want a conversation or a gold ring but to be held. Do we adults think that we are no more child? But a thought is merely a thought, it may be wrong as well, adults need this "human touch" also, cuddling each other for warmth & comfort in this indifferent cold world. A simple man and woman do that for each other.

Thirdly, she serves as an alternative to the man's self-within.
These couples may have been talking to each other for last 30 years or more with nothing left to say, yet they can talk on everything they've already talked about. They do brawl, yet the harmony in between is worth a sight. On a closer look if you observe, with age they behave not less than what kids do. Isn't it something that demands the grey matter some food to think? One thing that this man will seldom acknowldge is that he can't live without her, no matter how good are the conditions. It is this basic woman who still doesn't want it to be heard. In passing also, I would say that the first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on a woman but it is this basic woman who still continues keeping down the expectations with the years she face all this.

Its this woman who makes the man learn that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispostitions and not on our circumstances and we are here in this world for not to learn but to unlearn more. Yes every such women is a basic woman as basic as nature and its laws around us. For what is done or learned by one class of women becomes, by virtue of their common womanhood, the property of all women.